Fifty Shades Freed: Don’t Miss the Climax (He He)

Obviously, for those who haven’t seen Fifty Shades Freed yet…


A few weeks ago, I won a drawing to attend an early pre-screening of Fifty Shades Freed. It was built up to be this big media event with press, and studio executives… turns out it was really just like going to see any other movie. But that’s fine because it was free and I got to see it a day earlier. Take that, countdown app!


So, Wednesday night, my cousin and I got all dressed up, went and had dinner at the Space Needle (for the most Seattle-y experience one could have, obviously), and headed off to the movies. But standing there, in the long line of other contest winners, the pure, unadulterated excitement that consumed me prior to seeing both Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker was not there. I was happy to be there, I was looking forward to seeing the movie, but there was absolutely no chance I was going to pee my pants.

It was an odd moment.

I think it was because of Fifty Shades Darker. It’s my favorite book of the trilogy and after the interminably long wait between 2015 and 2017, I was out of control with anticipation. I said in my last review that I obsessively stalked filming updates with near religious conviction, and it wasn’t an exaggeration. I’m pretty sure I’m the reason the Fifty Shades Darker trailer broke the Star Wars view record. I think my phone might STILL be playing it on repeat…

But when I left the theater after Fifty Shades Darker, I was feeling let down. Upon retrospect, I did it to myself. I overloaded before I even got to see it until it was built up to this great big thing that nothing could ever actually have measured up to, and it ruined an experience for me that, two years prior, was amazing.

Note: In order to test this theory, I am also willing to have sex with Jamie Dornan. Just to see if you really can over hype something into mediocrity.


I made a promise to myself with Freed. I wasn’t going to ruin it this time. I wasn’t going to DVR all the talk shows or live stream the premier. I wasn’t going to watch the trailer 50,000 times or even watch any of the promo clips that were released in the weeks leading up to it. I was going to go into this movie with absolutely no expectations.


And here’s how that turned out:


You guys. It’s so good. Like, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. I left the theater last night unable to stop talking about it (Sorry, husband). I’m actually mad that I’m not watching it right now. I want to go into my bedroom, turn on my TV, pull up my Amazon library, and scream at both Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker for NOT being Fifty Shades Freed.


Let’s discuss, shall we?

The Good.

Jamie Dornan:


I know you’re all going to take this with a grain of salt because of the source material, but he was so good. I feel they changed Christian’s character a bit from the books, but I love every second of it. He was so funny and warm in this movie. He made me fall in love with Christian in a whole new way. Spoiler: There’s a scene at the end where he’s trying to cook Anastasia dinner and he burns everything, including my loins, and while Ana gives him a bit of a hard time for it, he just pushes the pan aside and says, “Fuck it, let’s get take out.” I. Die.



I love Dakota Johnson, and this is in no way a dig at her (since I put Jamie and not Christian), but I LOVE Anastasia’s character in this movie. Anastasia Steele might have been meek and shy, but Anastasia Grey is a badass. She will knife you if you stare too long at her husband, she will run your ass off the motherfucking road if you want to chase her on the highway, and she will get FINALLY get on her knees and do the deed for her very giving man. She’s still hilarious and warm and cute, but I loved the strength of her character so much in this movie. 10/10, Ana. Get it, gurl.

The Honeymoon Montage: 

This was just cuteness overload. Most of what came before the beach scenes was just quick flashes of them running through Paris, but it was seriously SO sweet. Spoiler: There’s a quick scene of them running through the pouring rain into this little cafe and Christian is shielding them both with his jacket. When they sit at the table, Ana has to dump water out of her shoes, but they both just laugh. They’re both clearly so happy and in love. Ugh, I loved it so much. Even the sex during the honeymoon was romantic and sweet, not gratuitous. It might be one of my favorite parts of the movie.

The Sex: 


Apparently there was some outcry about Ben and Jerry’s and Ana not being included in Fifty Shades Darker because we get it in the Aspen scene, and it’s just as hot as it was in the books. We still didn’t get the D, but Jamie’s pants were not present for every sex scene the way there were in Darker. It was explicit and prevalent. Freed is only like an hour and a half long and I wouldn’t be surprised if at least 30 full minutes of that was sex.

The Soundtrack:


I think that the music has been good in every movie, it’s something the Fifty Shades franchise has really excelled at. In fact, for all of my friends who hate Fifty Shades (don’t be too hard on them, everyone is wrong about something or another) I always refer to the first movie as Oscar Nominated Fifty Shades of Grey, because Earned It got a nomination for best original song. Anyway, Freed killed it. The music was perfectly chosen and really just made the whole thing cohesive. Unlike I Don’t Wanna Live in Darker, I was never wishing they would turn the music down so we could hear the dialogue better.



They actually filmed a lot of the aerial/car chase scenes IN Seattle, so that felt really nice to me. No fake 12 flags to report this time, folks.

The Pacing: 


I think this is actually where the first two movies have their biggest weakness. Well, this and the scripts. The first two dragged in some places and were too rushed in others. But this movie felt really well paced the whole way through. Honestly, because of how well this was edited and put together, I think it’s my favorite of all three movies.

I could go on, I want to. Jack Hyde, more scenes of the entire ensemble, Luke Saywer’s gorgeous blue eyes… But I think it’s time we get to:

The Bad.


Fifty Shades Freed Trailer screen grab

But for literally the opposite reason this was my least favorite part of the book. In the book, this part just drags on and on without any purpose or reason. In the movie, it’s really not long at all. BUT the club scene where the guy feels up Ana on the dance floor and Christian punches him out, you know, the one we saw in the trailer, that’s not in the movie at all. Elliot proposes, then everyone dances a little bit, Ana kisses Christian and suddenly it goes into this weird spliced scene between Ana and Christian in the red room and Ana in her office the next Monday. It’s a very jarring transition and honestly made the whole club thing pointless. I’m hoping we’re going to get more of this scene in the extended cut, because, as is, it’s baffling.

I’m pregnant: 


The scene where Ana tells Christian she’s pregnant fell flat for me for the same reason the Christian submissive scene fell flat in Darker. It was SO rushed. There was no shock, realization, anger… it was just:

Ana: I’m pregnant

Christian: Instantly furious.

But also, not really furious. Jamie toned Christian down a lot, so he gets mad and storms off, but not in a Christian Grey epic meltdown kind of way. The table didn’t even get flipped. There wasn’t enough build up to this scene and so his following actions just didn’t seem realistic for me. That might not be an issue for anyone else, but if I was going to point to one pacing issue, that would be it.

And that’s it! THAT’S ALL OF THE BAD.

It really was such a good movie. The best of the three in my opinion and I can’t wait to see it again. I’m a little devastated that this franchise is coming to a close. I’m going to miss the anticipation for these movies so, so much. I really hope Jamie and Dakota both go on to have amazing, lucrative careers, and make plenty more films for me to indulge in for years to come.

Thanks for the ride, EL James. It truly has been remarkable.


Welcome Back!

I know it’s been a long, cold winter, but never fear…


Happy February!


First of all, I hope that all of you have had a wonderful few months. It’s been about since Thanksgiving since I posted anything and it honestly feels like a year ago. I took a pretty serious break between Thanksgiving and Christmas and didn’t do anything. No plotting. No writing. Nothing.


It was fine.

BUT THERE ARE THINGS I’VE MISSED! I promised updates, specifically in regards to Darker.


But, the truth is, I still haven’t finished Darker. I haven’t even picked it up in weeks. If this book was everything you’ve been holding out for for two years and you loved it, then I am very happy for you. Personally, I think it’s a little dry and I’m having some difficulty getting through it. I think the book is written in a way where we’re not really given a new perspective on the plot, instead we just see Christian’s internal reaction to dialogue in the moment, and in, I FEEL, a fairly shallow way. For example:


In Fifty Shades Darker, we may get a line where Ana says, “Christian chuckles.”

In Darker, that same scene will say something like, “Damn, this girl is funny. I chuckle.”



There just wasn’t enough insight to Christian’s character or his journey for me. I still want to get to the Leila stuff where he finds her in Ana’s apartment, and then the later submissive scene, but the last thing I read was the pool table scene so I’ve got a ways to go. I did appreciate Christian’s subtle dig at Portland in chapter one though.

“Well, it is Portland…”



But speaking of re-writing the exact same material in an extremely dull way–

Thank you all for your requests! I had so many that, at my normal writing pace, it would have taken me six months to get through them all, LOL.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have six months, so the list was whittled down to what I think were the most important moments we didn’t see and to what I think is going to be important for The Final Shade of Fifty. In total, I have fourteen, possibly fifteen, outtakes with two, possibly, three left to finish. There is one, from Carrick’s PoV, that will be important to read before The Final Shade of Fifty, as it will bridge the time gap between Stronger and Chapter 1.

I’m going to wait until Fifty Shades Freed comes out, then I’ll do a reaction/review post similar to the one I did for Fifty Shades Darker. Once that’s up, the outtakes will start going up (probably one every three or four days). That should put us in March somewhere for the first chapter of The Final Shade of Fifty.

I do have some new subscribers since last November, so for those of you who are new, WELCOME!


Once I begin posting book four, you can expect updates every Monday. I’m not 100% done with the plotting of TFSoF, but I don’t think it’s going to be quite as long as Stronger was. But Stronger was 50 chapters, so this is a good thing.

I do have a new beta for The Final Shade of Fifty, AND for my original work (title: TBD), so I’d like to thank Stephanie for all the work she put in for A Broken Shade of Fifty and A Stronger Shade of Fifty, and would like to thank Erika and Robyn for agreeing to put up with me for my next two books. I know you all don’t get a lot of the “behind the scenes” stuff that’s gone into Shades of Fifty so far, but it entails a lot of panicked phone calls that begin with, “I’ve changed my mind, I need to talk you through something…” and then a two hour long conversation where I inevitably end up right back where I started.

^Actual image of my previous Beta during the last few weeks of Stronger

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you’re all as excited about Fifty Shades Freed as I am. It was only last week when I realized that (besides Fifty Shades Darker) Jamie didn’t have a single new release last year, so I’m ready for his beautiful face on the big screen once again.


Lots of Love, and eternally…. wishingmrgreywashere.


Welcome to fireside chats, second edition.

Did someone bring marshmallows? Everyone cozy?


In December 2014, I got an idea for a story. It started simple enough, Christian and Ana meet in college when Christian is still Elena’s submissive. The idea was that Christian wouldn’t have enough separation from Elena’s control that the consequences of the abuse he’d endured by her hand would be more blatant and would therefore HAVE to be dealt with (since E.L. James never really did). With that in mind I started plotting, and while the idea remained intact the story took on a life of its own and quickly bloomed into A LOT more.

It took a month for me to do the general outline of the entire story, and then another month working out the finer details/arcs. And on March 31st 2015, A Different Shade of Fifty was born.

I’m not one of those writers who can just write chapter to chapter, I’ve always been working from an overarching outline from start to finish, and then a more narrow, granular outline for each book. I always knew the trial would happen, I always knew about Elena’s club and Mia’s involvement, and I always knew it was Andrew Lincoln who would come for them in the end. The outlines I write from are so detailed, they include dialogue. But as I started to approach the end of a Stronger Shade of Fifty, that became less and less true. This is the actual end of the 84 page outline I created three years ago.

Long, angsty hospital scene where Christian is in surgery. He’s fine, it all works out. They move into the big house and live happily ever after.

Seriously. I went from basically creating a whole separate outline for Ana’s book, just so I would know exactly how and where it actually mirrors what happened between her and Christian, and writing turn by turn directions for how Luke and Kate take Ana to Cape Flattery for the wedding, to “He’s fine, it all works out.”

Now, I’m actually at the end of A Stronger Shade of Fifty and I’m left with… how?!

How does this all work out? How does Ana ever step into a room again without having to check all of the corners to feel safe? What happens to all the remaining pieces that Lincoln couldn’t just dispose of, like the police involvement? Where do Kate and Elliot go from here? What ever happened to Carter?

I fell into the classic trap. I closed the plot, but I didn’t create resolution for the characters.

I think I thought I’d be able to answer these questions in “future takes”, like a few scenes here or there would fill in the details and we’d all be satisfied.

But I’m not satisfied.

Not even close.

So, that being said, I’d like to announce…

Book 4: The Final Shade of Fifty.

Unapologetic 2nd Britney gif

Time frames: 

I’m going to do the Stronger outtakes first, the same as I’ve done with every other story. For those of you who never followed me on fan fiction, my typical process is to write all of the outtakes at one time (offline) and then post them as I get a head start on the actual story. I’m probably going to take a break to decompress from the Stronger roller coaster and really solidify everything I’m going to do for TFSOF (which includes one major arch I had to cut from Stronger due to it’s already over complicated plot– excitement!), and will most likely begin writing the outtakes sometime after Christmas. Depending on how many outtakes I end up doing, I should start posting the first chapter of The Final Shade of Fifty probably sometime in February.

In the meantime, please stay subscribed as I will be posting other Fifty blog posts, like my review of Darker and initial impressions of Fifty Shades Freed, and will keep you all in the loop of where I’m at in the process of getting TFSOF up.

For those of you who were really excited about The Family, I’m sorry. I was excited too. But if I don’t finish what I’ve started now, it’ll leave a bitter taste in my mouth for the rest of eternity. I will not be writing that story. Instead, once Shades of Fifty is ACTUALLY complete, I will be starting an original work, which I will also post here. That’s right, an original. Thanks to the encouragement of everyone here, I think I’m finally brave enough to really take the plunge and create my own characters with their own problems and their own drama. It’s nerve racking and vulnerable, but I can’t wait.

Is three too excessive? No.

See you all Monday! Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to my American followers. If you’re not in the U.S., you should still eat a lot of food today. I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of loophole in the space-time continuum that makes it so that calories don’t count on the 3rd Thursday of November. At least that’s what I’m going to tell myself as I throw down this second (or forth) slice of pie.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering. I’m still wishingmrgreywashere.

Trigger Warning


Once again, I just want to give those readers who are sensitive to certain topics a heads up before I post the next chapter. Chapter 48 is rated M for intense situations, strong language, and violence. If you are someone who would like to avoid difficult subject matter I would encourage you to reach out to me privately and after the chapter is posted I will give you the run down of what happens without all the gory details.

A day in the life

Hi everyone.

Let’s have our very first fireside chat, shall we?


Cozy? Good.

So this last week, I was obviously behind on posting. I finished the last chapter on Wednesday, and posted the same day. That meant that the first day I could start chapter 47 was Thursday, which was coincidentally the day I got to go to the emergency room.

Unfortunately, my body hates me and I’ve spent the last few days on opiates. For those of you who have never taken opiate (as was the case for me before this week) let me tell you about some of the fun things I learned.

  1. They make you itch like you have the freakin’ chicken pox. Everywhere. What even in the…?
  2. They work really fast. Great if you’re in pain, bad if you’re hoping to get something done before you conk out, which leads me to…
  3. The sleep. Since Thursday afternoon, I have been awake only a total of MAAAAYBE 16 hours. I literally am astounded by the amount I’ve slept. Apparently, I’m a lightweight.

This morning I woke up feeling great. I was sure the worst was over and I was going to force myself to write an entire chapter in one day AND watch the Seahawks. I was even feeling so good that I decided I could go grocery shopping with my husband (to ensure he didn’t come home with an $100 worth of IPA beer and sunflower seeds).

But there, in the middle of the aisle of my local neighborhood Safeway, the pain struck again and now I’m home in bed looking down the long orange tube of an Rx bottle. So, here’s the deal. I’m still going to try and finish this chapter today. I got a good start this morning, so I’m hoping momentum will get me through. But if the pain killers win and manage to knock me out once again, I’m probably going to be late posting this week.

Wish me luck.

And wish my husband luck, because if I end up sleeping the Seahawks vs. Texans, my house is not going to be a place you want to be for the next week…





I wish I could say that I’m not finished with this week’s update because work has been too busy, or the Cubs being in the NLCS occupied most of my nights this week (all true) but in reality, I think I’m just suffering from a good old fashion case of writer’s block.

I’ve drafted and re-drafted this chapter a few times and I can’t tell if I’m just trying to make it too complicated or if something needs to change. I’ve tried addressing the first, but obviously to no avail, so I’m going to work on the second.

It shouldn’t take me until next Monday to be finished, so just keep an eye out for this week’s update. It will hopefully be up in the next few days. If you haven’t subscribed to my email list, this would be the perfect time to do so.

Sorry guys 😦

Chapter 38 Preview

Excerpt from dinner between Christian and Ana:


“So, what do you want to do on Saturday?”

He raises an eyebrow and gives me sly smile. “You want a play by play of everything I’ve been fantasizing about over the last six weeks?”

“Not that part of Saturday. Your mother called me this morning, she wanted to know what you want to do for your birthday.”

“My birthday?”

“Yes, Saturday is also your birthday.”

“Really?” He takes his phone out of his pocket and flips through the apps, presumably for his calendar, and then lets out a surprised, huh, before leaning back in his chair and eventually smiling. “I guess that really changes what I’m allowed to ask for…”

I shake my head, but don’t bother hiding my smile. “I’m looking more for family oriented requests. You know, activities your parents and little sister can be present for.”

He frowns. “I don’t really want to make a big deal out of it. We have more important things to worry about right now.”

“I disagree. I think we need normalcy and things to celebrate now more than ever. This year’s been tough, but it’s also been really great and we keep forgetting that. We’re engaged, we’ve had a baby, we’re only a few weeks away from moving into the house that’s going to be our daughter’s family home… there’s so much I’m grateful for and all of that is because of you. I want to celebrate you, Christian. We all do.”

He takes a deep breath, considering the sincerity of my words for a moment, and then nods. “Okay. We’ll take the yacht out for the weekend and bring the whole family along. We’ll all be together and we won’t need as much security so Taylor can stay behind to continue his investigation.”


See you Monday!

xoxo WishingMrGreyWasHere

The Results Are In!



haha, jk. (Although, not really… he is. To be clear)

It looks like the majority of you are okay with posting the next chapter in its entirety next Monday with a teaser on Friday. I will also be announcing my next story tomorrow, not posting a chapter, just posting the title and a short summary, plus some quick facts that I know a lot of you will want to know before deciding whether or not you want to read it. But I hope it will all make you really look forward to it, because I am so excited. I think it’s going to be some of the best stuff I’ve written 🙂

As for this post, I will now be using this to officially be taking requests for outtakes. 


If you haven’t read the outtakes for Different and Broken (you should do so because the outtakes for Broken are my favorite of the whole series), they are scenes from a different character’s perspective, or a scene we know about or have a vague idea about, but didn’t actually get to see because Ana wasn’t there. For instance, maybe you really want to see Kate and Elliot’s break up, or you want to know what was really going through Christian’s head when Ana told him she was pregnant, or maybe you’ve just always had a burning curiosity about what Luke and Taylor talk about while they’re waiting around for Christian and Ana to finish doing it all the time. Just put a description of the scene you want to see and the character’s perspective you want to see it from in the comment section of THIS post, and once we get close to the end of Stronger, I will go through the comments, note which scenes I think will be interesting for everyone or will add new insight to the story.


Note: Please leave your comments/requests on THIS POST ONLY. I won’t go through the reviews of every subsequent chapter to find outtake requests.

If you want to find this post in a few weeks after it’s been buried under new chapters to add another scene or idea for outtakes, it will be categorized under the wishing… section in the top menu bar. Just click the word “wishing…” and you’ll find all of my non-chapter posts.

Also note that while I am willing to accommodate as many requests as possible and I know there will be more for Stronger because so much of the story is shrouded in mystery, I will not be able to accommodate ALL requests. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I’d just have to re-write Stronger from Captain Conspiracy’s perspective. haha

Actual photograph of Captain Conspiracy. Photo Credit: Leila Williams

Thanks again for your understanding after I didn’t post this week. I know a lot of you said very kind things to make me feel better about it, but I really do hate not having something to give you every week. I’m going to be better. No more missed posts until the end of Stronger, I promise. That’s only like 8 weeks… 9 weeks? Or maybe 20, who even knows. Sighhhhhhhh.



Author’s Note

I’m the worst.


I’m moving this weekend and while I was going to desperately try to not let that affect my posting schedule, this week IRL just became waaay to busy for me to find any writing time. I know, I know, this is starting to happen way too often and this definitely isn’t the way I want to run this site, so I have a proposition for all of you.

Chapter 38 looks like it’s going to be a monster, but there is a clear cut transition scene in the beginning/middle where I could theoretically split the chapter. I have about 3,000 words of the beginning part finished and would probably only need to write about 1,000 (ish) more until I get to where I think I could split the chapter. This could be finished today and posted either tonight (Midnight Eastern Standard Time/9 PM Pacific Standard time, US) or tomorrow morning at the time I would usually post on Mondays. Then I will do everything I can to finish the rest of the chapter by next Monday to continue posting as usual.

Pro: no missed updates, just one late one.

Con: shorter chapters, and while there is some important information in both sections, there’s a lot of fluffy goodness (desperately needed, right?) but splitting the chapter over two weeks could feel as though it’s dragging the plot out.

The other option would be to keep them together and post it all as one giant chapter next Monday. IDK. I’ll let you guys vote.


Because I do feel bad, and I don’t want you guys to think I’m okay with not posting as often as I have been, in addition to letting you choose how you want the next chapter posted, I will give you another option of something I can give to you in pennance.

Option 1:

I WILL have this entire chapter posted by next Monday, so I can give you a teaser later in the week, probably Friday, like I did with chapter 37.

Option 2:

I’ve finished the detailed outline of my next story that I will begin posting AFTER I finish A Stronger Shade of Fifty, and the outtakes, so I can post a brief summary of that so you’ll have an idea of what’s coming in the future. Because I’m hype about it!

Option 3:

I can start the post for outtake requests where you all can leave comments about which scenes from A Stronger Shade of Fifty you would like to see from a different character’s perspective, or scene’s we’ve missed because Ana wasn’t there… or unconscious… This will remain open until the story has concluded so you can continue adding scenes until the Stronger is finished.

Option 4:

All or any combination of options 1-3.


Again, I’m sorry there’s no update today. I really hate that I don’t have anything to share, especially since it feels like there weren’t really extenuating circumstances, I just didn’t finish. I hate that, and I am sorry. I’ve been reading your comments all week, and I love all the speculation! I think before the big baddie gets revealed, I might post a poll just to get an idea of who you think it is! Should I give a hint????

very vague hint:

Over the course of all of the comments/reviews, in all of the chapters of Stronger, someone HAS guessed correctly who it is. His name (or at least description of who he is) is out there, but which guess is correct? I am eager to see your speculation continue 🙂

So, in the comments of this very unnecessarily long Author’s note, please leave your vote of what you would like to have posted this week, split the chapters or post all as one next Monday, and your votes for the options listed above.

Again, I’m really sorry I don’t have anything to post this morning. But I promise on all things good in this world (See: Jamie Dornan) that I really am going to make it a priority to see that this doesn’t happen again.

Distracting Jamie Dornan Gif




Thank you!

This weekend I surpassed over 1,000 followers and I wanted to take a quick second to thank each and every one you. Leaving FanFiction was a scary thing at first. I thought I would lose my entire audience and sharing this story with you is seriously the highlight of my week, each and every week. But it’s actually been great being able to post here, on my own site. So, thank you for coming along with me. Thank you for debates in the reviews and your constant encouragement. I truly hope the end of Stronger, and this series, lives up to your expectations, and I hope, when it’s over, you’ll all continue on with me to the next adventure.


I don’t have a bonus update, I just don’t have the time to turn out chapters the way I used to anymore. BUT, here’s a little teaser for chapter 37, courtesy of Elena Lincoln 😉

I’ll never forget the first time I heard her voice. My husband was gone (again), I’d been drinking, and I was lonely. Solitude has never been my forte, it gives me too much time to think. My head was swimming with alcohol and memories of my lost sister and I needed a distraction. It was late in Cambridge, past the time I expected Christian to have parted ways with his brother for the night, so I picked up my phone and dialed his number, thinking at least I could distract myself with my vibrator and another round with my submissive. My dutiful, obedient, faithful submissive.

“Hello, Christian Grey’s phone.”

Those are the first words Anastasia Steele ever spoke to me, and to say they came as a shock would be grossly understated. Christian had been forbidden to have any form of contact with the opposite sex while he was at Harvard. He was mine after all, and I had no intentions of sharing him. But one week into his very first semester, I’d already caught him breaking the rules, and even over the phone, there was something about this girl that had the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. I knew she was trouble. What I didn’t know was that she would eventually lead to the complete and utter annihilation of everything I’d worked so hard to build.

See you Monday!