Popstar Update

I don’t have a blog spot on the other site so – sorry WMGWH fans, this one’s for the Popstar girlies…

Where’s Chapter 25? Girl.

I WISH I FUCKING KNEW.

So, this is what happened. I’ve had a very busy summer and I’ve been travelling a lot, which means that I haven’t been recording in advance like I was for the earlier chapters. Well, I sit down to start recording Chapter 25 on August 20th – you know, a DAY before I was supposed to post it (I’m really responsible like that); and to my HORROR it wasn’t there.

Apparently, when I was saving final drafts of the chapters back in February, I fucked up on chapter 25 and overrode the final version with the outline of the chapter, instead of the other way around. So I completely lost all of that data. I had about three sentences total for chapter 25.

Well just re-write it, Tara!

I am. I promise. It’s just this happened at the worst possible time because I’ve had company staying in my house for days, and I haven’t had enough free time to write to get it posted by yesterday morning.

So my goal is next Monday. I’m working diligently, and the only silver lining I have it I think the chapter is going to turn out better this time than it did the first time around. I’m sorry for the delay, especially because there’s only two chapters left… but unfortunately, I can’t post 26 before 25 lol.

Thank you for your patience. I’ll see you next Monday.

Love, Tara

❤️👑🇺🇸🌹☀️

Oh, hey! Gather round. Find a cozy place next to the fire. Grab a blanket and cuddle up. Comfortable? Got some hot cocoa? Excellent.

I have something to tell you guys.

Something big.

Like, big enough to post cryptic emojis and tweets and countdown timers about for weeks.

Are you ready for it?

You sure?

Well…

I wrote a new book!

An original one!

With new characters! New challenges! And new, hot, steamy romance!!!!!

It’s called…

It’s taken me years of planning and drafting (a lot of which was derailed by 26 chapters of The Final Shade of Fifty), and I’ve re-written this draft about three times, but it’s ready to share and I am so unbelievably excited to finally be at this place BECAAAAAAAUSE, it’s not just this one book. Not just this one series.

I’m building universes over here.

Like the MCU, but sluttier.

The Taraverse.

WishingMrGreyWasHere

I want to start by managing the panic I can already feel building in the room. What about Shades of Fifty? Am I taking the site down? Will I ever finish the outtakes?

Excellent questions.

WishingMrGreyWasHere will remain right where it is. I’m not pulling the story, I’m not moving it to a different place, I’m not putting it behind a paywall… It’ll be right here as if nothing is changing at all.

I’m not one of those authors who wrote fanfiction and then tries to pretend they didn’t. I’m proud as shit of this story.

So what about the outtakes? I’m not abandoning them, really. I have about half of one written that’s so long that HALF is already at 7,000 words, and it’s just a beast to get through. Spoiler alert: It’s a Christian POV and he’s just angry and sad and scared and it’s hard to sit in that for long periods of time and work through his own irrationality. I’ve started a few others, but haven’t gotten into them really because I’ve been heads down on my new story for over a year and haven’t spent much time working on anything else.

Still, the biggest obstacle to the outtakes is my own damn indecision. I probably shouldn’t say this publicly because I still haven’t committed to anything for myself and I have a literal universe of writing to do, but I’ve sort of put myself into a stalemate on all things fifty because, while I want to finish the outtakes, the naggingly persistent thing that I want to write for Shades of Fifty is a continuation of the kids’ story I posted last year. And I mean a continuation as in…. book 5. There’s a lot there that I actually really want to explore, so much that it would take an entire book to flesh it all out, and every time I try to get myself to focus on outtakes, I get all caught up in plotting this whole ass new story that I didn’t have the time to write. So nothing got done.

Excuses, excuses, right?

Oh, and also this stupid Real Housewives of Seattle idea I had after a very long Bravo marathon that thankfully got killed by a Twitter poll.

The point is though, the outtakes will come. Slowly. Unexpectedly. Randomly. Eventually. I may not do all of the ones that were requested, but I’ll at least finish the ones I have. And yes, there may be more to come…

We’ll see.

POPSTAR and Beyond

Because I’m keeping Shades of Fifty here, my original content will be posted on a separate site. That’s right: site. You’ll be able to find my new story, and all the original stories after it, on taranichole.net.

Because here’s the thing.

I looked into traditional publishing. It was a dream of mine for-almost-ever. But the truth of the matter is, I’m under no illusions that I’m going to make EL James money from writing, and I’m okay with that. I write because it’s what I love to do, and I love to share my work with the people who enjoy it. But that means I have to keep my job, and your girl has a demanding one.

I just don’t have the time to do the marketing and the engagement that published authors are required to do, and I’m terrible at Tik Tok anyway. So I’ve decided to just do this the way that has always made me happy.

I’m going back to Monday posts.

Beginning FEBRUARY 14TH 2023, Popstar will be posted serially, one chapter a week, until it’s completion – the same as I posted all of my Fifty content. Now, I know what you’re thinking… one chapter a week! I know, I know – but they’re meaty chapters, and doing it this way ensures that by the time book 1 has been posted, book 2 will be ready to follow right after it.

All Taraverse stories will be paid content, that works like a membership. For Popstar, that looks like this:

Membership LevelOne-Time Cost
Popstar Package –
includes the entire book (i.e. every Monday post)
$3.99
Popstar Deluxe Package –
includes the entire book (i.e. every Monday post), and chapter audio
$9.99

These options will expand as the universe expands.

I’m also in the process of recording podcast episodes to post each week along with each chapter where me and the people I’ve talked to behind the scenes about the stories discuss all things Taraverse. I’m not sure if that will be totally free content on the site, or just included in both packages, but either way – subscribers will also have access to a weekly podcast about the story.

I hope you’re all as excited to take another journey together as I am. This has been a terrifying new step for me, venturing into territory where there’s no established cannon to help get people hooked. I’ve poured so much into this story, and I’m extremely proud of what it’s turned into and so freaking excited about what’s still to come. I really hope you’ll come along.

But if not, still know that I appreciate all the time you’ve spent following me here. This has been such a light for me when parts of my life have gone dark, and I’ll always be grateful to all of you for that.

All my love

xoxo

Wishingmrgreywashere

PS. Don’t scroll up, my new site is right here. Go on, give it a visit. You know you want to.

The Parents: Anastasia

“Alright, very good, Mikah. I think we’ve got what we need.”

“Oh, great.” The actor in front of us changes drastically as he comes out of character. Gone is the dark, imposing dominant that had just been holding a whip over his head, ready to deliver the most delicious kind of punishment, and in his place is a welcoming set of clear blue eyes and an expectant smile. “Anything else?”

“Just the nudity. You can remove your clothes whenever you’re ready.”

An embarrassed smile creeps across my lips as the stranger in front of me pulls off his shirt. His arms are thick, his abs are toned, his chest impressive. He has the perfect body type, but it’s all going to come down to…

When his underwear falls to the floor, I have to glance up at the ceiling and take a breath to avoid losing my professional composure.

Keep it together, Anastasia.

“How do you feel about shaving?” The director asks, staring at the hair around this stranger’s penis as though she were asking his preference on a paint color. He shrugs, entirely nonplussed.

And the impressive package dangling between his thighs makes it clear why.

“Whatever you think is best for the role.”

“Hm. What do you think, Anastasia?”

“Great,” I chirp. “I mean, uh… I’ve got everything I need. Thank you, uh… Mikah.”

“Sure.” The actor picks up his pants, and I take a breath again. He moves to take the piece of paper the director hands him, then thanks us all for the opportunity and leaves the room. The women around me start fanning themselves.

“Thank-you for writing this book, Anastasia,” one of the studio execs says to me.

“And to think, all these guys are just trying to look like her husband,” the producer says. “How do you get any work done?”

I laugh, and because the grueling weeks we’ve already put into this production have made these women like sisters to me, I add, “Oh, make no mistake. I’m going home to night and fucking the shit out of him tonight.”

They all laugh, and the director raises her eyebrow. “Does he know that we’re casting his part today?”

“Oh, god no. I picked this week because I knew he’d be busy doing campaign work. That’s why we had to have final callbacks in Seattle instead of LA. He thinks we’re doing script rewrites today.”

“Smart woman.”

I touch the tip of my nose, then point directly at her just as the door opens. Instead of another beautiful man coming in to read dirty lines and show off his crown jewels, my assistant hurries toward me.

“Mrs. Grey, the school just called. The kids are in the principal’s office.”

“My kids?”

“All three of them. You’re gonna have to go down there, I’m afraid.”

“Oh god…” I shake my head and turn an apologetic look on the director. “I’m sorry, are we done for today?”

“Yeah, Mikah was the last one. We all agree it’s going to be Jason, right? He blew me away.”

“Absolutely,” the producer says.

“I agree. We’ll make a decision on our female lead tomorrow?”

“Yep, see you at 8.”

I thank everyone seated behind the long table while I gather my things, then walk with my assistant to my car. She can’t tell me exactly what they did, but she can tell me that a three day suspension is on the line and that they weren’t able to get ahold of Christian yet.

And since there’s a possibility of suspension, I consider not telling him.

Mother’s instinct to protect the lives of her children and all…

“Well, think of an angel and she shall appear,” he answers when I get into the car and ask the onboard system to call his number. He’s in a good mood, which means his interviews are going well.

That’s good news for my kids.

“Hey, baby. What’s going on?”

“I’m just sitting in front of a blank monitor waiting to debate this stooge on my dad’s economic policy.”

“Oh, do you need to go?”

“Not for a few minutes. What’s going on?”

“Well, not great news… I got a call from the school. The kids are in trouble.”

The good mood in his voice vanishes in the span of a breath. “Which kids?”

“All of them.”

“Even Calliope?”

“Yep.”

“Jesus Christ…” I can hear his teeth grinding through the phone, and I brace myself for the full force of the storm before I continue.

“I’m on my way down there now. Apparently, suspension is on the table.”

He’s silent. And then he’s mad. “This interview is only going to take seven minutes, I’ll be right behind you.”

Christian hangs up without saying goodbye to me, and the chill in his voice makes me shiver. I press my foot harder against the pedal, coaxing more speed from the engine to ensure I’ll make it to the school before he does. When I pull into the parking lot, my eyes scan the cars around me for the familiar Lamborghini more intently than they search for an open parking space. When I don’t see him, I pull into a guest spot at the front, and take a moment to prepare myself.

I’m probably making more out of this than I should. I have great kids. How bad could it be, really?

The answer is bad enough that I spot them huddled together in a panic through the office window on my way in. Teddy is holding a towel against his face.

Great.

“Excuse me,” I greet the woman behind the desk. “My name is Anastasia Grey. I’m here for Calliope, Theodore, and Lucas.”

She glances up and her eyes morph with a very definitive you’re-a-bad-parent kind of judgement. “Yes, thank you for coming, Mrs. Grey. Right this way.”

She gets up from her desk and leads me to a door. On the other side of it, I find my children. Each and every one of them looks relieved when they see that their father isn’t half a step behind me. It’s actually a kindness that I pierce their shiny bubble of hope before he comes in here and stampedes all over it.

“He’s right behind me,” I warn them as the secretary disappears behind me. “Now, what did you do?”

It’s like watching a play I’ve seen 100 times. All three of them curl their lips beneath their teeth, and stare straight at me with blank expressions. There isn’t a guilty fidget or a nervous twitch among them. But this time, their stonewalling doesn’t matter because the vice principal opens his office door and motions for the four of us to come inside.

“Fighting!” he shouts, purple in the face. The vein on the side of his thick neck bulges through his skin and pulses with the thundering beat of his heart. “I tell you, Mrs. Grey. We put up with a lot from these boys. They’re often down right miscreants! But violence is absolutely unacceptable and I cannot tolerate it! Mr. King is being evaluated for a concussion, which puts him out of this Friday’s game. There were college scouts coming to see Mr. King play, Mrs. Grey. The actions of your children may have seriously jeopardized this child’s future.”

“I understand that, Dr. Wolfe, and I am very sorry. I am sure that none of this was their intention. I assure you, Mr. Grey and I will be taking this matter very seriously.”

“I don’t know that discipline at home will be enough this time, Mrs. Grey. I’m afraid I have no choice but to suspend Lucas and Theodore for the rest of the week. And Calliope will also be suspended pending the investigation of serious accusations that have been levied against her to the student ethics committee.”

“Allegati-?”

“No!” Teddy shouts over me. “Mom, I can’t be suspended! My chemistry test starts in like five minutes. I can’t miss it, it’s a third of my grade!”

“They won’t let me play if I get suspended!” Luke adds.

“Harvard!” Calliope shrieks.

“Dr. Wolfe, there has to be some kind of middle ground here…”

“I’m sorry, but the decision has been made. Your sons may return to school on Monday. We’ll be in contact regarding your daughter.”

“What are the allegations against her?”

“Mom—“ Calliope’s nervous voice interrupts, but before I can answer, the door bursts open and Christian steps into the room. He looks livid. Enough so that the vice principal recoils when my husband’s eyes land on him. His eyes find me next, then finally, our children.

All three of them look at the floor.

“Dr. Wolfe, would you give us a moment alone, please?”

“Mr. Grey, perhaps you would be interested to know the reason your children are in my office this afternoon?”

Christian’s eyes glint with dire warning. “Yes, but I would like to hear it from them before I hear it from you. So if you wouldn’t mind…”

He moves to the door and opens it, effectively ordering the man out of his own office. It’s the kind of alpha move that makes the room feel suddenly hot. Although, that could be  just my afternoon of casting coming back to haunt me…

The vice principal straightens his jacket, then stalks out of the door. Christian closes it and rounds on the kids.

“Talk.”

Time for Act II.

Luke and Teddy turn in unison to look at Calliope, and she looks up at her dad with the same big doe eyes that have been getting her out of trouble since she was four.

“Daddy, Brighton King is a jerk. He is constantly following me around and harassing me to go out with him, even though I’ve told him he’s a creep about a million times.”

“Okay,” Christian says, nodding as he takes in the information. The intensity still burns in his eyes behind the calm, even tone. “Don’t like this kid already. Continue.”

“Well…” She seems to lose her words as she stares up at her father, which is a deviation from the performance that I’m not used to. Both of her brothers look at her like they don’t understand what she’s doing, and my husband’s gaze sharpens.

He thinks he’s about to break her.

“Calliope, tell me what happened.”

“He was waiting for her at her regular parking place this morning,” Luke jumps in. “He said something gross about her giving him a blow job.”

Christian’s face goes from dangerous to malevolent. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah,” Teddy agrees quickly, pulling the towel away from his face. I see the bruising around his eyes and nose for the first time, and it takes everything I have not to go to him and pull him in my arms. My poor baby. “So Calliope said something really mean back and embarrassed him in front of everyone.”

“What?”

Luke smirks. “That he could spend his weekends jacking off like he always does…”

Christian looks back to Calliope, and she flinches. “Is that true, Calliope?”

She nods at her shoes, then sniffs and looks up at her dad with tears glittering in her eyes. “He came up to me at lunch and called me a whore in front of the whole school. Everyone heard him, Daddy.” She blinks, her composure breaking as she’s overtaken by a sob, and looks down at the floor.

“So I hit him,” Teddy says. “Luke tried to warn him this morning that he needed to be more respectful. I gave him the chance to apologize, he chose to get fucked up.”

“Theodore!” I chastise him, but Christian holds back a hand to silence me. He looks at Luke.

“Did you hit him too?”

“No, I pulled them apart.” He points to the purple bruise forming around his eye. “I got this because Brighton sucker punched me while I was trying to keep Teddy off of him.”

“They’re all suspended,” I tell him. “The boys through the rest of the week, Calliope pending the investigation of whatever rumors are going around about her.”

“What rumors?” Christian asks.

Calliope’s eyes go wide with fear and she sinks down in her chair like she’s hoping if she can make herself small enough, her dad won’t be able to see her. “Well, uh…”

“That she cheated,” Luke blurts out.

“That she brought alcohol…” Teddy says over him. They look at each other and then back at Christian, talking over each other again.

“I mean, she cheated,” Teddy says.

“I mean, she brought alcohol…”

“Oh, god…” Calliope moans, dropping her face into her hands.

Christian glances back at me, silently telling me that I’m the one who is going to have to unravel that mystery. When I nod, he turns back to the kids, and Teddy slides forward to the edge of his seat like he’s ready to jump out of it.

“Dad, I can’t be suspended. My chemistry test is happening right now, I’m missing it.”

“You’re not going to miss it,” Christian says. “Pick up your stuff, I’ll walk you to your classroom. I’ll deal with you when it’s over.” He turns and points between Luke and Calliope. “You two can go home with your mother.”

“But Dad, what about football?”

“You don’t get to play football when you get in fights at school, Lucas. Go home!”

“Yes, Sir.” Both Calliope and Luke scramble out of their seats before he can change his mind and claim their punishments for himself as well. I slowly get out of my seat, keeping my eyes on Teddy, who looks like he was just handed a terminal diagnosis. Christian reaches out to kiss me goodbye, and after briefly brushing my lips against his, I stand up on my toes to whisper in his ear.

“Please remember that he’s only fifteen, and that you were a teenager once too.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know exactly how I’m going to deal with him, Anastasia.” There’s no room for argument in his response, so I turn and kiss my now terrified looking son on each cheek.

“I love you,” I remind him. “Good luck on your test.”

The nod I get in response feels more like a tremble than anything else.

Calliope drives home like there’s a cop behind her. She maintains five under the speed limit, never misses a signal, pauses at every stop longer than necessary, and keeps her DADSGRL vanity plate right in the middle of the lane the entire way. They pull into the garage, head straight into the kitchen, and wait for me to come in behind them.

“Leave your phones on the counter and go to your rooms.”

“My phone?!”

Now, Calliope.” Her face melts with misery as she places her phone on the marble, the same way a grieving mother would if she were being forced to lay her child on a burning pyre. Then she turns and runs for her bedroom, screaming about how she hates everyone.

“Camille’s going to call, Mom…”

“And you’re going to miss it.” I point at the counter and he drops his phone next to his sister’s, though without all the dramatics she used. Once I hear the second door close from the bottom of the stairs, I meander into the living room and collapse on the couch. My feet are pinched in my shoes, my butt is sore from sitting on a hard stool all day, and I could really use one hell of a drink. I have no idea what Christian is going to do with Teddy and as the worry starts to mount deep in my gut, my phone rings on the arm rest next to me.

I glance down, expecting the worst. But it’s Big-Luke.

“Hey, you won’t believe the day I’ve had,” I answer. He chuckles on the other line.

“I think I’m about to find out. Your husband has summoned me.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. He asked me and Jade to meet him at the school. I’m on my way there now.”

“Hi, Ana” Jade says, but I don’t get to respond before Luke starts talking again.

“What’s going on?”

“Some boy at school called Calliope a mean name and Teddy punched him. All three of my kids have been suspended.”

“Oof, that’s a shame. I really liked your kids. I’ll remember them fondly after their passing.”

“That’s not a funny joke, I’m worried that’s why Christian called you. You’d tell me if he asked you to hide a body, right?”

“You know you’ll always be my number one.”

“Good,” the phone beeps and I pull it away from my ear. The contact displayed on the screen tells me it’s my kids’ school again, and the small bit of reprieve I’ve taken talking on the phone with my best friend vanishes all at once.

What if Christian tracked down that Brighton kid…?

“Hey Luke, I gotta go. The school is calling again.”

“Yikes. Good Luck.”

“Thanks.” I hang up, then answer the next call cautiously. “Hello?”

 “Hello, is this Mrs. Grey?”

“Yes, may I ask who’s speaking?”

“This is Dr. Sutter, I’m the sophomore chemistry teacher at your sons’ school. I’m actually grading Theodore’s test right this moment.”

“Yes, Dr. Sutter,” I breathe in relief. “I remember our meeting from parent/teacher conferences a few weeks ago. Thank you for allowing Teddy to take the test this afternoon. He’s studied so hard, he was devastated when he thought he was going to miss it.”

“Oh, yes his efforts are very obvious. He doesn’t seem to have missed a single question on the entire test, and for any other student that would raise serious questions for me. But Theodore is a gifted student.”

“Yes, I agree. And thank you for telling me. He’s been so stressed about this test, he’ll be very relieved to know he did well.”

“Curious, though. Lucas also did very well. Exceptionally well, in fact.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yes. In fact, his test is identical to his brother’s… down to the handwriting.”

My heart sinks. “Oh no…”

“Mrs. Grey, I trust I don’t need to remind you that cheating is an offense that this school deems worthy of expulsion, do I?”

“No. Dr. Sutter… I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into these boys. Truly… I know that Luke has been really worried about his grades because of football, I’m sure Teddy just thought he was helping his brother.”

“Yes, I understand. Theodore is my best student, and I would hate to have one lapse in judgement shatter his future. I’ll tell you what I’ll do. An impressive score like Theodore’s should be kept, his actions with Lucas aside, that’s a score that’s earned. I will allow him to keep his grade and his brother to retake the test next week, and I won’t report him to the ethics committee for cheating. In return, I would like both of them to write me a 10,000 word essay on the importance of academic integrity, and they will both spend one hour after school in my laboratory conducting inventory for me for the rest of the semester.”

“That’s more than fair. Thank you so much for your understanding, Dr. Sutter. I promise you, it will not happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t. Good-bye, Mrs. Grey.”

“Goodbye.” I hang up, and ask the ceiling why I can’t be the kind of mom who doesn’t care what her kids do at school. Then I get up and drag myself and the weight of how much I don’t want to have to do this up the stairs.

I go to Luke’s room first.

“Come in,” he says after I knock softly against the door three times. I ease my way inside and find him laying on the bed, tossing a football into the air and catching it.

“We need to talk, Mister.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with Callie, you’ll have to ask her.”

I sigh, and pull the chair from his desk to the side of his bed to sit. The floor is cluttered with so much junk, it’s almost an impossible task.

“While I don’t believe that for a moment, I’m not here to talk about Calliope. I just got a call from Dr. Sutter.”

He turns to me, slowly, and raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Anything you want to tell me?”

“Uh… no?”

“Luke.” This time, he hears the seriousness in my voice that tells him I know what he did. He doesn’t make excuses, he doesn’t try denying it any further. He just lays back in bed and starts to toss the football again. “Do you want to tell me why your test this morning was in Teddy’s handwriting?”

“Not really.”

“Come on, Lucas. You know that cheating is wrong. You could have been expelled and the only reason you aren’t going to be is because Dr. Sutter is being very kind and generous to the two of you. Why would you do this?”

“I was going to fail. I didn’t want to blow my season…”

“You don’t think cheating could have blown up your season?”

“Mom, you don’t get it!” he shouts, sitting bolt upright and rounding on me like he’s ready to fight again. “Everyone was ragging on me this morning for spending time with Camille and not studying, but the truth is that she was trying to help me learn the material for the test, and never got anywhere. I can’t keep up! I don’t understand any of it. I’m not smart enough. I’ve tried, and tried, and tried, and all trying does is make me feel like an idiot when I fail. There was no way I was ever going to pass that test. Teddy could, and he wanted to see the test before he had to take it this afternoon.”

He throws himself down on his bed and turns away from me, his words still hovering between us like an angry swarm of bees. I push out of my chair and crawl on the bed behind him, running a comforting hand over his arm.

“You are smart enough, Luke.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“Hey.” I pull on his shoulder and until he rolls back on his back. There are tears swimming in his eyes. “Your daddy told me about the talk you had this morning. He and I think that it’s a good idea to take you to the doctor for some tests. It shouldn’t be this much harder for you, and the fact that it is might mean there’s something else going on.”

“What, like Dyslexia?”

“Maybe.”

His face sours. “So you think I’m so dumb I have mental problems?”

“No, I think you might be playing with a set of rules that no one else is. How far do you think you’d get if your team only got one down on offense and the other team got four.”

“Nowhere.”

“Exactly. Getting you into the doctor and getting you on the right plan is just about getting those three extra downs back.”

He sniffs, and wipes his nose with the back of his hand, then nods. “Okay.”

I lean forward and kiss him on the forehead, then get up and walk back to the door. Before I leave, I pause and turn back to face my son. “You’re grounded, by the way. You will put your Xbox and all of your devices on my bed by 6 PM, do you understand me?”

“All of them?!” I nod, and a look of horror crosses his face that, without context, could suggest I asked him to smother a baby. “Mom, what am I going to do?! I don’t get to go back to school until next week!”

I smile. “I wouldn’t worry about being bored. You’re going to write Dr. Sutter a 10,000 word essay on why academic integrity is important, in additional to the hour you’re going to spend an hour after school helping him upkeep his lab for the rest of the semester.”

Ten thousand words?!”

“And, you’re going to write me a 15,000 word essay about what this has taught you, and how you’re going to grow from this experience. Once I have those papers and you retake your test, you may have your devices back.”

“But that’s not fair! Camille will break up with me if I don’t talk to her for that long.”

“Oh that’s more than fair. If you’d like to talk to your girlfriend, I suggest you get writing. Six PM, Lucas. Do not make me send your father to track you down.”

“I won’t.” I give him a look to communicate how serious I am, then step out into the hall and close his door behind me.

One kid down, one to go. 

I take two steps down the hall, and knock on my daughter’s door. Unlike my son, she doesn’t invite me in. Privacy is a big thing with me and my kids. I know their dad doesn’t respect theirs, so I always make an effort to overcompensate and give them the space they wouldn’t otherwise have. But after I knock for a second time and still get no response, I reach down and slowly push open the door.

“Calliope?” She’s on her bed too, but she’s lying with her face in her pillow. Her shoulders shake violently, and without the door between us, I can hear her muffled sobs. “Calli Lily?” 

I pick her up so that she’s sitting, and the wails of pain that pour out of her rip my soul apart. Her makeup is ruined, leaking down her face in long steaks. She’s beet red, and soaked in her own tears, 

“What’s wrong?” I ask, rocking her back and forth. She just whimpers mom and continues to break apart in my arms. It’s devastating. I can feel my heart breaking more and more as each long minute passes, and my daughter continues to cry her eyes out. It takes nearly fifteen minutes for her to calm down enough that I can wipe her eyes and get her to look at me. 

“What happened?” 

Her lip trembles, and she shakes her head. “I can’t tell you.” 

“Yes, you can. You can tell me anything, Calliope.” 

“Not this.” She looks up at me, eyes bright red and so full of tears they start to leak over the corners again. “Daddy will kill me.” 

My next breath takes the wind out of me. I lean into her, pressing my forehead against hers, and my hand over her heart. “Nothing you could ever do will make me or your dad stop loving you, or make us not want to help you. I’m always on your side. Please, just tell me what happened?” 

It takes a minute, but after staring at me helplessly through her tears, she finally breaks and starts to sob again. “Mom, everything’s so bad. Everyone is talking about me, everyone is lying about me, Izzie and Lizzie abandoned me…” 

I lift her chin to look in her eyes. “Why?” 

“I like a boy,” she admits in a whisper, and the confession actually makes me look nervously at the door to make sure her father isn’t hovering there listening. It’s not hard to make the connections between ‘I like a boy’ and another boy calling her a whore. I just do my best not to jump to conclusions about the details. 

“A boy,” I repeat. 

She takes a breath, like I’ve lifted the weight of the world off her chest, and nods. “His name is Pete, he goes to my school. We started talking at this party I went to with Lizzie and Iz back in August and…” She shrugs. “I like him.”

“Okay, tell me what you like about him.”

“Well…” She bites her lip, and I feel an unwelcome wave of foreboding. “He’s really funny and smart, almost philosophical. He doesn’t care about what people think about him, and I think that’s so cool. He’s his own person, you know? And he’s so hot. He’s got dark hair and these dark eyes that I swear see all the way down to my soul. He gets me.” 

Oh no

I clear my throat. “That’s intense.”

“You have no idea.” 

“Is there anything I should know about him? Or you? Or what you may or may not be doing together?” She doesn’t respond, but I can see the guilt spelled out plain as day on her face. I know her well enough to know that she’s not going to give it to me freely, but if I walk her there, she won’t lie to me. “Were you at Elizabeth’s house last night?” 

“No.”

“Where were you?” 

“I was with Pete. He drove me up to the north side of the lake and we… parked.” 

Breathe in. Breathe out. “Did you have sex with him?” 

“No!” Her denial comes out shrill, defensive, and a few more pieces of the puzzle fall into place. 

“Okay, I believe you,” I assure her. “What did happen?” 

“Well… we made out.” 

“And?” 

“And… he felt me up a little bit.” 

And?” 

“That’s it. He wanted to go further, but I… I didn’t want to. Yet. I mean, maybe I do… I don’t know.” 

“You’re not ready,” I tell her, and her eyes start to glisten again. 

“But he is.” She lets out a long, burdened breath. I want to push her on what she just said, but I think I see her warring with the decision to tell me in her head as I sit and watch her, so I try to give her the space, and let her come to me. 

“We meet up every morning under the bleachers in the football stadium. At first, it was just a place he and I could talk without everyone gawking at us and being in our business. He’s not part of my circle, and my friends don’t like him.” She swallows. “I knew it was going to be bad when people found out about us.”

She pauses, almost like she’s going to stop. So I press her on the part I actually care about. “You meet him every morning under the bleachers?”

“It’s where we had our first kiss, and ever since that happened we’ve been doing a lot less talking and a lot more kissing. This morning, when I went to go meet him, he asked me to… to…” 

The look she gives me in her reticence pleads for understanding, so I reach out and take her hand. Even though I’m not sure I’m ready to hear what she has to say, I give her my warmest, most understanding look and say, “It’s okay, Calliope.” 

“He asked me to give him a hand job.” 

“Did you?” 

She bites her lip, and nods again. “I think… I think he might have real feelings for me and I was afraid that if I didn’t, then he would think I was lame and never talk to me again.”

Flames roar to life in my gut. “If that’s how he reacts, then he’s fucking loser and you should never talk to him again. A boy who really cares about you will wait until you’re ready. And a boy who doesn’t, is not a boy you need to be involved with in any way.”

“But I want him to like me back, Mom. So much.”

“I know you do.”

She takes another shaky break and looks down at her fingernails. “Two girls caught us right in the middle of it, and they told everyone. Now the whole school is talking about me, lying about me. Calling me names. Teddy said someone told him that I was giving him a blowjob. Luke told me he heard that I was having sex with three guys. Then Brighton called me whore in front of the whole school so now everyone thinks it’s all true… everything is so horrible, I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die!” 

She falls onto the bed and starts sobbing again, so I gently rub a hand over my back to calm her down. “No, you don’t, Calliope. This isn’t the end of the world, I promise. People have said awful things about me, and about your daddy, to the whole world, and we made it out the other end. It can feel like the universe is collapsing in on you, but I promise it isn’t. People will move on.” 

“You don’t get high school, Mom. People have been waiting for the moment they can take me down. They started hashtags on Twitter! “CancelGREYtion” and “DisGREYce.” I had everything, and I’m going to lose it all!”

“You know, Cal. You said the thing that you liked most about Pete is that he didn’t care what other people thought. That he got to be his own person. Maybe, the reason you like that about him is because, deep down, you want to be more like that. Maybe the truth is that all the popularity, and followers, and sponsorship, don’t actually make you happy. In fact, I have a suspicion that they might be making you miserable.”

She sniffs.

“Think about that, okay?”

She doesn’t respond at all that time, so I get up to leave. Her voice stops me at the door.

 “Are you going to tell dad?”

“Don’t worry about your dad, okay? I’ll handle it.” She nods, and looks up at me with trust shining in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

“Thanks, Mom.” 

“Anytime, Calli Lily.” 

After my talk with Calliope, I take the kids downstairs and sit them at the table to do their homework while I cook dinner. I’ve allowed them temporary access to the WiFi so they can email their teachers and ask, plead if they have to, for the work they’re going to miss during their suspension. 

A suspension I now fully intend on marching into the school tomorrow and getting overturned. That is, if Christian has already done it for me. 

Luke is dismayed that every one of his teachers sends him plenty of work to go along with the essays he has to write, and pouts miserably over his open Algebra book while he tries to get through the new chapter without any help. Christian’s better at the math and science stuff than I am, so I promise him his dad will help him with his work after dinner… except he still isn’t home by the time I get dinner on the table. 

And my child hasn’t come back either. 

I call three times, and get increasingly shorter iterations of rings before being sent to his voicemail. Teddy doesn’t answer his phone either. The kids finish their dinner and help me clean the kitchen before we finally hear the ominous rumble of the garage door. 

Luke and Calliope exchange nervous looks. I dry my hands on a towel and walk to meet them in the garage, preparing myself to take in and roll with whatever punishment Christian has dealt out. He was a wild teenager, maybe he’ll surprise me. Maybe he’s actually uniquely qualified to deal with hormonal teenagers acting out on their rage. 

Maybe. 

I come through the door to find my husband climbing out of his Lamborghini and a wash of horror overcomes me when I realize that Teddy isn’t with him. 

“Christian Trevelyan-Grey! Where is my child?!” I shriek. Luke and Callie poke their heads through the door then turn pale as a sheet, as though their greatest fears have been realized. Christian smirks. 

“Relax, he’s just a little bit behind me. I drive a Lambo, remember?” 

“What did you do?” 

“He gave a kid who called his sister a whore in front of the whole school a concussion today. I gave him the punishment I thought adequately fit the crime,” he says, though the last of his words are drowned out by a deep rumble that starts up the driveway. I look in time to see a brand new, cherry red Porsche pull into my garage. 

“What?!” Luke screams behind me. “No fucking way!” 

“Language, Lucas!” I jab him with my elbow, but keep my eyes on the shiny heap of metal coming toward me. The car stops, and Teddy climbs out from behind the wheel, while his Uncle Luke steps out from the passenger’s side. His face is bruised and swollen, but his smile stretches from ear to ear. 

“You like?”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Calliope says in disbelief. Her eyes move to her baby pink BMW, then looks at her dad like he’s betrayed her. Luke looks like he’s about ready to explode. 

“So I get grounded and he gets a PORSCHE?!”

He stood up for his sister,” Christian says. “You tried to stop him instead of backing him up.”

“Teddy also cheated on a test today,” I add, giving Christian a hard look. The arrogance on my husband’s face melts away, and he frowns. Teddy loses his smile and turns sharp eyes on his brother. 

“Dr. Sutter called,” I continue. “It seems our sons thought it would be a good idea to switch places this morning so Teddy could take Luke’s test for him…” 

“Which I did to help my brother,” Teddy argues. “Family first. Right, Dad?” 

Christian sighs, the utter lack of agreement plain on his face, then turns to look at me. “So, what? Are they expelled?” 

“No. Thankfully, Dr. Sutter is willing to give them another chance. Teddy and I can have a discussion about his punishment upstairs.” 

“But, Mom!” Teddy complains. 

“You heard your mother,” Christian sighs. “Now, get inside.” 

“There’s dinner in the fridge,” I tell him. 

He makes a helpless sound, looking between us with his mouth agape. But he trudges forward without another argument. 

“Teddy.” Our son turns morose eyes back on his father. Christian holds out his hand. “Keys.” 

“Dad, no…” 

“You can have them back when you get your license,” he says. “Now go eat, go wash up, and go to bed.” Teddy drops his keys in his dad’s hand and stomps into the house. I nod to the other kids, and they fall in line behind their brother. The door closes behind them, and I turn to face my husband.”

“Cheating?” He scoffs in disbelief. I nod. 

“I already talked to Luke about it, but you and I need to talk about Calliope.” 

Next Chapter

The Outtakes are Coming! The Outtakes are Coming!

Hey everyone!

I’ve already had a couple outtakes requests so I figured I’d start ruminating on it. I haven’t even really thought yet about what scenes I’m going to do, so I thought I’d turn to you all. I am also planning something to post later in the year that will essentially be a short story (a futuretake, if you will) made of multiple character’s perspectives (who I haven’t quite decided yet), and since there are so many, this will help me narrow it down:

Please leave specific request for outtakes in the comment section of this post. Reminder, this is only for The Final Shade of Fifty. If someone else has already suggested and outtake you want to see, reply to their comment and back them up– I’m very susceptible to peer pressure and I won’t have time to write everything, so gang up with each other to win lol.

As the story comes to a close, you’ll be able to find this post for further requests at the top of the “Wishing…” page, on the menu above. I’m sure there will be requests for many of the coming chapters….

Does that forecast some drama on the horizon? Maybe.

Have I said eight billion times that this is an HEA? Yes.

Is that still true? Yes.

xoxo

Wishingmrgreywashere

Taylor PoV: Like Herding Cats…

Hey everyone! It’s my birthday!!!

A bunch of people asked if there was going to be a bonus this week, and my initial answer to that was no.

1. I’m not done with this week’s chapter yet.

2. It’s not a like…. happy, festive, fun chapter. There’s some drama on the horizon, and who wants an epic Christian Grey meltdown on Christmas?

That being said, you guys are so great to me every single week that I decided I really wanted to post something today– so I wrote a quick, non-spoilery outtake! This would take place between chapter 35 and 36 of TFSOF (but that doesn’t matter much).

Hope you enjoy it!!

xoxo

wishingmrgreywashere

This room is always warmer than the rest of the executive suite at GEH. It’s a small, rectangular space with no windows, three desks, and dozens of screens that hum and put off heat. My eyes flit between the images of the residence, Calliope’s daycare, different floors of GEH, the parking garage, and Escala. It’s quiet, which is a good change of pace, but days like these are extremely boring. It’s easy, when it’s like this, to let my mind wander to thoughts of my daughter or plans I want to make for the next weekend we’ll get to spend together… but it’s an urge I fight. I can’t afford to lose concentration. Not when I know what’s out there, lurking in wait. Not after I saw what our failures last time did to Anastasia. Thankfully, the perfect thing to make me refocus suddenly comes through my earpiece.

“Taylor, I’ve got an unexpected delivery for Ana,” Luke murmurs.

“Mrs. Grey,” I correct him with a grumble. “What is it?”

“I’ll go find out.” He’s quiet for a minute, and when I hear him speak again, it’s not to me. “Hey buddy, where you delivering from?”

“Oh, I’m just a courier, man.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing though… Anastasia Grey doesn’t take deliveries from just anyone, I’m going to need a name.”

“I don’t know, dude. I don’t take the orders. I just deliver them.”

There’s another pause before Luke starts again, this time in a more familiar tone. “Did Ana order something I don’t know about?”

“Not that I know of.” It takes a moment to place the female voice that responds– Abigail, Anastasia’s assistant—and that irritates me. Damn, what I wouldn’t give to put cameras in her office.

My teeth mash together as I pull up an email on the laptop in front of me and send it off while keeping my attention on the conversation Luke is having.


To: Christian Grey

Subject: GSP Video Surveillance

Date: August 15th 2012  10:27 AM

From: Jason Taylor

Any movement with Gallagher on getting cameras into Mrs. Grey’s office?

Jason Taylor

Head of Security, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.


“So, are you gonna sign or….” The impatience in the courier’s voice is clear, even 2nd hand through Luke’s earpiece, and I automatically make a face as I anticipate Luke’s response.

“Why don’t you chill the fuck out, alright?” he says, making me shake my head. He’s always been the hot head on my team, but I’ll be damned if he isn’t the best. “What courier company do you work for?”

“One-Hour Delivery.”

“You only take local orders?”

“No. We’ll only deliver locally but we’ll take orders from whoever calls.”

Luke sighs. “Alright, open the box, Abby.”

“Hey, I can’t let you do that until you sign!”

“Ok, first of all, you need to get it out of your head that you’re letting me do anything…” I can hear the package being sliced open behind Luke’s words, which is the only thing that keeps me from telling him to pull it back a bit. Well that, and Grey’s response.


To: Jason Taylor

Subject: RE: GSP Video Surveillance

Date: August 15th 2012  10:29 AM

From: Christian Grey

Gallagher won’t agree. We’re going to have to go through the building owner.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.


I take a deep breath and start pulling up the records I have on Anastasia’s employer so I can get the contact information for GSP’s landlord, still focusing half my attention on Luke.

“Oh…” Abby says, shame coloring the one word I hear. “I uh… I think this might be from Kate.”

“What is it?” I ask.

There’s a shuffling noise, and Luke responds, “It’s just some candles and shit for her office.”

“So, will you sign now, please?” the courier asks.

“Sure,” Abby says, and the low scratching sound that must be her scrawling her signature on the order form is drowned out by Luke.

“Here, courtesy of Christian Grey.”

“Hey, thanks, man!” the courier says, and after some generic rustling sounds, it goes quiet on Luke’s side again.

“Sawyer, you need to stop being so combative with everyone.”

“Nah, it’s better when I’m scary.”

“Sawyer…”

“I tipped him!”

Sawyer…

“Okay, okay, okay…”

I let out a heavy sigh and dial the number for the landlord to Ana’s building. Then I have to coordinate another delivery to the house. When Grey goes into his R&D meeting, Andrea has to take the Lamborghini to the mechanic for an oil change, which means arranging transportation to get her back to GEH.

At three, I double check all of the Greys are exactly where they’re supposed to be and that my team is in place, then I make two laps through the building. The girls at Grey Publishing always have candy for me when I pop in to make sure they’re doing alright, and there’s a woman up in accounting who has a service dog that I stop and say hi to every time I pass. It helps keep my spirits high when I meander through the first floor lobby and stare at the torrential downpour bouncing off the pavement outside.

Grey likes the rain, but I fucking hate it. And it rains non-stop here from October to June. I think I should get a little reprieve in August—but this city can’t even give me that.

And, as if it wants to rub salt in my wounds, right then a giant thundercloud claps overhead, and the lights in the building go dark. I wait a few uneasy seconds for the back-up generators to kick on… until I remember that the entire power grid is currently being dismantled so it can be replaced with Endurance technology, and the backup generators were the first to go.

For most people, a power outage is an inconvenience. Possibly even exciting—something to break up the monotony of the day at least. For me, it’s a disaster. It means all of the surveillance systems are down, all of the electronic locks… everything.

I reach up for my earpiece as I start back for the security office, which will take me forever to get to since I’m now going to have to take the stairs up thirty-one fucking floors.

“Sawyer, our power is out. You?”

There’s a click that tells me he’d turned the microphone off on his earpiece, and when I hear Ana talking in the background, I know why. He’s always been very protective of his friendship with her, and sometimes it means shit like this. But the closeness between them has proved to be valuable over and over again in the past, so I don’t fight him on it anymore.

Oh my god, look how cute this is!” Ana squeals.

“Yeah, us too. I’m sitting in her office,” Sawyer mumbles to me, probably so Ana won’t hear him.

“Good, stay there. James, you got eyes on Calliope?”

“No, there’s an external door alarm on the south side. Smith and I are going to check it out.”

“What the fuck do you mean you’re going to check it out? Who’s watching Calliope?” I’m met with silence that fills me with equal parts incredulity and dread, so after several seconds of no response, I fill the emptiness with a tirade of lectures and curse words. I’m more out of breath from yelling at my team than the seven flights of stairs I sprint up to get to Calliope’s daycare. Not only is James missing from his post, but so is the receptionist who is never supposed to leave this desk unmanned.

“I swear to fucking god…” I grumble, pulling open the door that no longer locks without power. It’s chaos inside. Shrieks and wails of tears sound from the room to the left, while excited giggles bubble up around me from the older kids. I wade through them all to get to the Caterpillar room and immediately start looking for Kensie, but she isn’t here. A hot rush of panic climbs up the back of my neck and my eyes fly wildly around the room, searching for the mop of familiar brown curls that belongs to Calliope.

She isn’t here.

There are only seven children in this room, and it takes me less than three seconds to critically evaluate each and every one of their faces. Not a single one of them is Calliope.

I go to the teacher across the room who is currently cuddling a screaming toddler, while trying to listen to the mindless ramblings of a little boy hovering nervously near her legs.

“Where’s Calliope?” I demand. She blinks up at me, completely frazzled.

“What do you mean? Isn’t she…” Her eyes move from mine and survey the room, widening with panic when she comes to the same realization I have. “Well she’s supposed to be right here…”

“I know where she’s supposed to be! I’m asking you where she is?”

“I-I—” Her eyes start anxiously searching again until she starts shaking her head with horrible regret. “Shit, I don’t know…”

“You don’t get to not know!”

“I’m sorry! We’re sort of having a situation here… Maybe you can’t tell, but I’m a little overwhelmed with crying babies who don’t understand why it’s suddenly dark.”

“So, the CEO’s daughter is the one you choose to ignore? WHERE IS CALLIOPE GREY?!”

“I don’t know, she has a nanny with her. Where’s Mackensie?”

“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be bothering with you.”

I turn on my heel and storm through the door, glancing over the faces of the other teachers and the sea of tiny people running wildly through the open floor space. Mackenzie isn’t here, and neither is Calliope.

“Calliope isn’t in the daycare,” I parrot to my team, my voice suddenly going low and monotone. Years of military training kicks in like the flip of a light switch, and all the noise around me fades into the background of my concentration. My senses sharpen, and I immediately start mentally clearing the space around me.

“Yeah, I know. Just hold on a second. I’ll be right back,” Luke says, jovially enough that I know he’s talking to Anastasia. There’s a high-pitched scrape, the sound of a chair, and I decide he’s probably leaving her office so he can talk to me without alarming her.

That’s a good call. No need to panic the Greys until I know for sure what’s going on. Especially not the quick-to-irrational-fury one who’s currently on the 31st floor, probably already furious that the power outage has interrupted his day.

There’s the soft sound of a door closing that matches perfectly with the door of the daycare closing behind me and Luke starts hissing angrily through his earpiece. “Taylor, I’m going to need you to repeat what you just fucking said because what I think you said is that you lost Anastasia’s child.”

My gut clenches uneasily at the brutal reality of what he just said, but I choose not to acknowledge it until I’m certain there’s truth to it. Mackensie is also missing after all, perhaps she just taken her on a walk… without a security escort, through the crowded city, during a rainstorm and power outage.

Okay, maybe that isn’t better.

“What was the breach, Smith?” I ask, refocusing on the avenues I have to track her down. “Please tell me we didn’t let someone get out of this building with that baby.”

“There’s nothing out here, just… wait—” His voice stalls, and then raises a few levels in pitch, as though he’s calling to someone far away. “What are you doing out here?”

The response is difficult to hear through the sound of the pouring rain bouncing off the metal roof that covers the courtyard off the back side of the building, but while I’m on high alert like this, I could’ve made out each of their words if they were standing under a thundering waterfall.

“Smoking…”

“You come through that door?”

“Are we… not supposed to? This is the only place we’re allowed to smoke…”

“You go through the east door. What do you think ‘emergency exit only’ means?!”

“Smith, Calliope!” I bark. “Focus.”

“Did anyone come through here with a baby?”

“No, it’s just me.”

I grind my teeth together. “When did you leave your post, James?”

“Five minutes ago?”

“Five minutes.” Does he realize what could have happened in five fucking minutes? “No one leaves anywhere without checking directly with me first, got it?”

“Sorry, sir… I wasn’t expecting the power outage.”

“I don’t want to hear apologies, I want Calliope found. All of you, start searching. Top to bottom, floor by floor. Harper, Wyatt… I want you out on the streets.”

“Are you seriously telling me we lost Calliope?” Luke growls. “What the fuck am I supposed to say to Ana?!”

“Nothing, I’ll find her.” I turn and bolt back into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time. Praying that the power comes on by the time I make it back to the security office so that I’ll be able to review the footage, and that the feed didn’t cut off before Calliope was taken. It takes almost four minutes for me to get all the way to the top floor, and when I come through the door into the reception area, both Andrea and Olivia shoot concerned looks at me.

“Everything alright, Taylor?” Andrea asks. I can only offer her a half-hearted wave as I stride past her, moving purposefully to my office.

The power didn’t come on, so the monitors are still dark. Luke’s jaw is grinding impatiently in my ear and I have no idea what to say to him.

“Smith? James?”

“I’ve got nothing.”

“Garage is clear.”

“Harper? Wyatt?”

“Nothing suspicious.”

“There’s an officer parked up the street, he didn’t see anyone come tearing out of the garage, so it’s not likely we’re dealing with a getaway car.”

My gut sinks and I feel a hot flash of shame. We haven’t found her, so I’m going to have to tell Grey. And I know he’s going to pop the fuck off. I’ve seen him lose it over far less when something even threatened to get near Anastasia… I can’t imagine what he’s going to do when it comes to Calliope.

“I’ll go inform Grey,” I say, as though I’m informing them of death. Which, considering the situation, might be a reality since Grey is probably going to kill me. 

“You sure?” Smith asks.

“Yeah. Sawyer, don’t tell Anastasia anything until Grey decides what he wants her to know. Everyone get back here and be ready for my orders.”

“How can I help?” Sawyer asks.

“Stay with Ana. Once the power comes on, you’re most useful to me behind a computer.”

“Sir, with all due respect, I disagree. I’m a better shot than either Wyatt or James, and I’m the best you have at hand to hand. If we’re dealing with an abductor, I think I’m the exact person to handle it.”

“No, if someone really did come for Calliope, Ana could also be a target. I need you with her, and I need you sharp.”

“I’m always sharp.”

And arrogant. Don’t forget arrogant.

“Sawyer…”

“Yeah, I got it. Stay put.”

“Good.” With the same amount of courage that once carried me through battle in the past, I shuffle out of the office towards the double oak doors that stand between me and Mr. Grey. There’s a kind of pep-talk running through my mind, convincing me to keep going, but it doesn’t slow me down. With quick efficiency, I push through the doors and steel myself for the news I have to deliver.

Except, instead of the sharp, irritated look I usually expect when I interrupt his workday, I get soft eyes and a warm smile. All because of the tiny little beauty currently standing in his lap, held up by his hands. Her laughter echoes through the room like sweet music. Her soft brown girls bounce with the rhythm of her father’s knees.

“Ah, come in, Taylor. Did you resolve the camera situation for Ana’s office?” His good humor colors every word and I stand there speechless. Calliope makes a loud, happy sound, that catches his attention and makes his face light up. She reaches out and places her palm against his lips, and he kisses it several times before turning expectant eyes back on me.

“Uh… yes, sir. I was just coming to let you know that, uh, all of our surveillance is down because of the power outage.”

“I know, the door to her daycare just opened when I went down there to get her. And they’re so overwhelmed down there I sent Kensie down to the store for snacks to try and calm everyone down. Thankfully, Welch will have GEH transferred to the Endurance grid by Friday, and we won’t have to deal with this anymore.”

“Right. Well, I suppose I’ll just keep you updated then.”

“Sawyer is with Ana, right? A power outage seems like the exact scenario where Kate would call her and talk her into doing something stupid.”

“Yes, Sir. He’s in her office right now. She seems to be having a good day.”

The joy on his face somehow shines through brighter. “Good. If the cameras are down, we should get people down to all the entrances. I still want to know everyone coming in and out of this building.”

“Yes, sir. I’ve already got the team mobilized.”

“Good. Then you can leave us, Taylor.”

“Yes, sir.” I turn around, feeling my heart racing a mile a minute as relief seeps from every single one of my pores… until Grey calls my name again. “Yes, sir?”

He smiles again, and nods to his daughter. “Don’t you think she’s the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?”

I chuckle. “Yes, sir. The most perfect.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” He turns to her, completely losing himself. “This is going to be your office one day, isn’t it? All of this is going to be yours…”

I turn and leave his office, letting out a long sigh before I reach up for my earpiece. “Grey has Calliope, everyone stand down.”

“Oh, thank god,” Luke exhales. “Well, if there’s no crisis I’m going back into Ana’s office, I’ll be on mute.”

“Fine. And, James?”

“Yes, sir?”

“You’re no longer assigned to daycare. Wait there until Kelley comes to relieve you, then report to my office immediately.”

I can hear him swallow his trepidation. “Yes, sir.”

As the sense of urgency that had consumed me only minutes ago dies away, I’m left feeling drained and tired. The weight of it lands heavily on my chair and I plop down in my seat and stare at the blank monitors around me. My head falls back against the headrest, and I take just a few minutes to let myself relax, but the power switches on and the room around me suddenly hums with life again. I glance up at the screens, once more searching through the images of GEH, the Grey’s home, and Escala for anything that’s gone amiss in the time that’s lapsed since my last check. Everything is quiet. Everything is the same.

And suddenly, I’m very grateful for my boring day.

Hey, Guys… Let’s talk.

Hi, everyone! And welcome to our September fire side chat, helped, in part, by the raging fires of the Pacific Northwest (pauses to cough). Is everyone comfortable? Everyone good? You got a drink in the back? Excellent.

I took a lot of time of time off writing, basically all of 2019, because between 2015 and 2019, it’s all I did and I burned myself out. Hard. It legit took an entire year before I could even sit down at a computer and feel creative again.

Then Covid hit and I got so bored I nearly jumped off a bridge.

This one specifically.

I’d already made it a kind of New Years Resolution for 2020 to get back into writing, but that goal became serious when the world shut down in March. Most of the projects I’d been developing at that point weren’t necessarily meant to be published– I just wanted to test some limits and explore some concepts I’d been thinking about without the pressure of an audience.

But there was always this nagging voice in the back of my mind.

Therapy time: I’m a little OCD. And by a little OCD, I mean that when I drink too much, I clean toilets. Believe me, I’m the life of the party.

So, as I started getting deeper into the other projects I was working on, I found myself getting distracted and derailed over and over again because I had this unfinished thing out there, sitting, in limbo, taunting me… I decided to write a one shot and post it, see if that changed anything for me… and it did.

Because of you guys.

When I posted the Covid with the Greys outtake in April, I got so much amazing feedback and support that it kind of derailed my plans a bit. I started thinking about Shades of Fifty again. I re-read A Different Shade, A Broken Shade, A Stronger Shade, and The Final Shade (Which took much longer than I’m proud to admit– haha), and took a few weeks to just think about what I would do if I were to finish it.

Those thoughts turned into an outline, that outline turned into the first few chapters, and now I’m happy to announce:

The Final Shade of Fifty is coming back!

I will start updating again on OCTOBER 5th. I wanted to give you guys a few weeks to re-read Final if you were inclined, because the update I post on October 5th will be Chapter 26– picking up right where I left off. I have once again created an extremely detailed outline that will get me all the way through the end, so I am committed to posting EVERY. SINGLE. MONDAY. (come hell or high water) until I’m finished, which– if nothing deviates from my outline– will be a total of 53 chapters (28 new chapters).

It ends a little differently than I intended when I first outlined book four, which leads me to my first consequence: I’m going to have to delete the Covid outtake. It was written based on how I imagined the story ended before, and there have been major changes that make a lot of what happens in that outtake no longer make any sense. What are those things? You’ll see!

I’m so excited to connect with all of you again and share the new direction of this story. I’m happy with it, so I hope you all will be too. Because despite my long, long absence, it’s still true that I’m…

WishingMrGreyWasHere

New Year

tenor

Good morning everyone!

I’m going to start off this Monday with some bad news. The Final Shade of Fifty is going to be on hold, indefinitely.

Here’s where I’m at.

I started this story with one idea, and realized about half-way through that I wanted to go in a different direction. But the problem with doing that when you post weekly is that the stuff you want to scrap and do differently has already been published. I can’t really just start over. So, now I’m in a position where I either have to try and ret-con everything I did in the beginning, which would make the first 20+ chapters of this story completely pointless and would make this book 60-70 chapters long, or I’d have to do some things that would betray the characters that I’ve spent 3 books creating. Neither are great options, so I’ve decided after weeks and weeks of internal struggle, that I’m going to just put this on a shelf for awhile.

The other half of this is that I’m just really more interested in creating original content right now. It’s hard to focus on one story when my mind is constantly occupied with other things I want to write, including an original version of Shades of Fifty. Obviously, it’s going to take a lot of work to make this story an original, and I’ve been fairly cognizant of the changes that I want to make as I’ve been writing. However, with the Final Shade of Fifty, a lot of what I’ve written won’t translate to the changes I’m going to make on the revamp, and therefore will not really progress the story in any meaningful way. I kind of feel like I’m just giving myself double work, which has been a huge demotivator.

I have been writing another story behind the scenes, which I planned to post once The Final Shade of Fifty was finished, but since TFSOF was what I was actually posting, that was the story that had to take precedent when it came down to my writing time and since I obviously haven’t been doing much writing for TFSOF, you can guess how much writing I’ve done for my other story. Therefore, I’ve decided that I’m going to start working on making Shades of Fifty original now, and will move on to the other stories I want to tell once I’ve brought these characters to their conclusion.

But what to do with what’s already posted for The Final Shade of Fifty?

I’m going to remove it.

It doesn’t seem like a good idea to leave a half-finished story that I’m not even passionate about sitting on the site for new readers to come a long and be like… wait, that’s the end? WTF?!!! So, I’m going to leave it to you all. Do you want me to make a shareable PDF of the story for you all to have? Or is everyone okay letting it go, like me? I will leave Different, Broken, and Stronger up, at least until I’m finished with the original versions, and I will let you all know with plenty of time before I remove them. I’m also considering putting them back on FanFiction now that I’m not going to be actively updating, because it’ll reach a wider audience there and since they’ve been down for two years, there’s probably a whole new slew of readers who haven’t read it yet. But we’ll see.

The good news is, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be active on Facebook and Twitter and I plan on keeping you updated with where I’m at on getting Shades of Fifty done. And since you all have been such a huge part of how this story came to be, I’d really like to keep you all involved as much as possible. Characters have to be renamed and re-imagined, I’d love your input. I’m probably going to make some kind of pen name, but I have no idea where to start with that. I’d love suggestions! I’m also in desperate need of Beta readers. If you’re interested in taking part of that at all, please let me know in the comments section.

So, obviously, this isn’t good-bye. Just… an extended break (from posting). My goal is to have a new original to present to you all by the end of the year. I’m excited, I hope you are too!!

And even though his name will change, I’ll always be wishingmrgreywashere.

Lots of love,

Tara xx

Edit: I know everyone wants the HEA, so should I post an epilogue to follow Stronger?

 

 

Seasons Greetings!

tenor

So, I tried. And I mean I REALLY tried. I barricaded myself in my office, I tried going to Starbucks and two different libraries, I tried writing the chapter out by hand, I tried putting word limits on things like… when I can eat again. None of it worked.

So I think I’m suffering from fatigue and need to take a break. It’s December now, which means Christmas and my birthday:

tenor

With a packed schedule this month, I think it’s a good time for me to go on hiatus and give myself some time away to miss these characters and miss writing, hopefully that’ll get me back on the wagon. So, there won’t be any updates this month. I’ll be back in January.

Thank you all as always.

Lots of love,

WishingMrGreyWasHere

Monday Update

update2b

Sorry guys, that brief reprieve last week turned out to simply be the eye of the storm. I had something big come in at the end of the week (for work) just as I was starting this week’s chapter that monopolized my time and has left me empty handed on Monday morning.

But if any of you happen to be on one of the health plans I do legal compliance for, you’ll be happy to know your health insurance benefits will be ready as of 1/1 (US readers only.)

Thank you for your continued patience, and I hope by now you all know that it bothers me to be late as much as anything 😦

Have a great week!

xoxoxo

WishingMrGreyWasHere

PS. I’m a horror movie whimp, so I haven’t seen Suspira but Bad Times at the El Royal and My Dinner with Herve were both excellent! See them if you can because Jamie and Dakota are going places.