Elliot PoV: They’d Never Believe We’re Just Friends…

Kate and Elliot

End of Chapter 33

Mac’s is more crowded than I ever remember it being in the two years that I lived in Cambridge. It’s a little divy, but they have good music, a dancefloor, free pool tables, and a killer beer selection, which had Kate and I coming here every Thursday night back in the good old days. In fact, despite the crowds and the almost overbearing presence of Christian’s security team, tonight feels a lot like the good old days. Kate sits on the bar stool next to me, laughing at my jokes and beaming radiantly at me as I catch her up on everything going on in Seattle. She tells me everything she finds annoying about Christian living with them now, which mostly has to do with he and Ana fucking all over their house. There’s a glint in her eye as we talk that makes me hopeful, and when she gets up to sink a few more of the balls left on the table, I do everything I can to silence the voice in the back of my head telling me over and over again how dangerous that hope is.

She’s not mine anymore. I can’t give her what she wants. She has Carter Reed.

I take a drink of my beer, once again tasting the bitterness that name leaves in my mouth. I used to think Christian overreacted when it came to Reed, but now… I think he might have under-reacted. The guy’s a fuckface.

“Well, I may have missed but I blocked Christian’s best shot on the corner pocket,” Kate says as she takes a seat on the stool next to me again. “We’ve got this in the bag.”

I nod, then watch Christian lean over the table and glance at Anastasia before he hits the cue ball into the eight and it rolls smoothly into the side pocket.

“Ooh, bad luck, bro,” I say, shaking my head. The taunt beneath my fake pity is subtle, and clearly played far too well, because rather than throwing some biting response back at me, he simply shrugs and passes his stick back to Sawyer.

“That’s fine. Ana and I need to get home anyway, it’s getting late.” I nod, reluctantly accepting that Ana being so pregnant means we just can’t stay out like we used to, and tip the last swallow of beer into my mouth. But as Kate starts to gather her things, Christian holds up a hand to stop her. “Please, stay and enjoy the rest of the night. Your drinks are on me.”

I have to hide my smile. Free drinks and the rest of the night alone with Kate? And to think, I didn’t get him anything…

“Well, if you insist!” I reply merrily, turning to find his body guard in the crowd by the bar. “Taylor! The Russian Imperial Stout!”

Christian rolls his eyes but takes his jacket off the chair next to me and then hurries over to Ana, wraps her hand in his, and pulls her so purposefully after him that her very round, pregnant frame causes her to wobble slightly. Taylor hands me the beer I’ve asked for and nods to both Kate and I before hurrying after them, and when I catch Luke scanning the room with diligent eyes one last time as he leaves, I worry for a moment there’s something wrong. Christian is here because someone is stalking and actively trying to harm Ana. Are they here now? Is Kate safe?

“What do you think that was about?” I ask while Kate moves to the table to re-rack the balls for a game of one-on-one. She glances over her shoulder towards the door and then shakes her head.

“They’re going home to have sex. Christian can be impatient sometimes.”

“Oh… you’re sure?”

“Yeah, haven’t you been watching them for the past hour? Ten more minutes and I’m pretty sure he would have stripped her down right here and thrown her on this table.”

“No, I haven’t been,” I admit, and when she bends over the table to break, I glance down at her perfect rear end and sigh. “I’ve been a distracted, I guess.”

She laughs, then hits the cue ball into the grouping in the center of the table and watches as two striped balls roll into pockets on opposite sides of the table. After giving me a coy look, she begins circling the table until she finds her next best shot. I watch her bend over again and sink the ten in the corner pocket, but she misses her next shot on the fourteen. It doesn’t seem to shake her confidence though. When she stands upright again she gives me a challenging smile. “Stripes.”

I grin and move to the table with my cue, strategizing how best to tackle the solids still spread out across the table. I don’t have too many difficult angles so I’m fairly certain that, as long as I don’t fuck something up, I can probably run the table.  My first shot is on the six, and it rolls into the dead center of the bottom right-corner pocket. While the sound of the ball swirling around the cup rings around us, I turn and smile back at Kate again. “You’re toast, Kavanagh.”

“Bring it, Grey.”

We play three solid games, trading off wins, but we only make a few shots each before the fourth game is completely abandoned in favor of sitting at the table, sharing a few drinks, and talking again. And this, this is what I’ve missed so much…

“Oh my god, do you remember that weekend we spent in Pacific Beach, in that tiny little cottage rental that leaked and didn’t have any hot water?”

I laugh. “Yeah. How did we end up there?”

“Because you told me you had already made reservations at the resort. But you lied, and when you tried to get a room once we got there, they were all booked up! It took us two and a half hours to find somewhere to stay and that tiny little shack cost us twice what we were going to pay on our suite.”

“Oh that’s right,” I reply, narrowing my eyes. “I told you I’d make the reservation, but you said you wanted to pick the room so you told me not to worry about it and that you’d take care of it. Then when we got there and didn’t have a room, you tried to blame it on me.”

“That doesn’t sound like me.” She giggles before taking another drink of her beer.

“Uh huh.”

“Still, it turned out great, didn’t it? We were right on the beach so we had bonfires both nights and we built that giant sandcastle that took us hours, and hours, and hours.”

“A miraculous feet of engineering. I actually can’t believe we pulled it off.”

“Luckily, one of us has an engineering degree from MIT so…”

I smile and shake my head, reminiscing. “The sunsets were great from the front porch, weren’t they? I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful.”

“I know.”

“And at night, it got so cold that you had to snuggle up close to me and I’d wrap you in my arms and we’d stay like that, the whole night.”

She shakes her head. “We always slept like that. It was like, even in my dreams I needed to be close to you.” She takes another drink and I bite back the words that are fighting to bubble through my lips. I still love you. I want you back.

“It took me a long time to learn how to sleep without you again,” she continues. “I think you get accustomed to having someone in the bed with you, so when I was alone I wasn’t sleeping very well.”

“Until Carter.”

“Yeah… Until Carter.”

“How are you two doing?” God, I hope she can’t hear the desperation in my voice.

“Fine. Good. He’s really sweet, and very caring. Right after you and I broke up, he would come stay with me a lot while Ana was gone since I still really can’t be alone overnight. And when I had surgery last winter, he took really good care of me. My parents like him and he and Ana get along really well. Even Christian is coming around, I think. It’s good. He and I, we’re… good.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I mean, I wish… uh… I just…” I take a deep breath, foregoing my attempt to lie about how much it hurts to hear about her new relationship, and settle for what’s really important. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

She nods and gives me a strange kind of half-smile that’s hard to read, then takes an extra long pull from her beer.

“What about you? How’s life after Gia?”

I shrug. “Fine, I guess. I’ve been working a lot trying to get Christian’s building finished before the new fiscal year, and his house finished before Calliope comes, so that fills a lot of my free time. But Dad doesn’t need people around so much anymore, Christian and Ana are here, and Mia, well, she’s seventeen and would rather hang out with her friends at the mall than her clearly second favorite brother. Gia and I didn’t have a lot in common. She wasn’t interested in any of the things I like and all she ever really wanted to do was shop or work out. But, at the end of the day, she was someone to talk to. Someone to have dinner with and to tell how my day went. She was happy to see me when I got home. But now, there’s no one. It’s a little lonely, I guess.”

“Well, she’s not the only girl out there. You’re quite the catch, Elliot Grey. I should know…” She pauses, and bites her lip. When she speaks again, there’s a slight quiver in her voice. “I’m sure there are a million girls out there who would die to be the girl you came home to at night.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“So, you’re not dating anyone, then?”

“No. I think there are a few things I need to work out before I even think about having a relationship again.”

“Like what?”

That I’m still madly in love with you and no woman is ever going to measure up to what we had together. “I don’t know. I think I just need some time.”

“Elliot…” She pauses, letting the awkward way she says my name hang between us. I don’t know what she’s going to say next, if I want to hear what she’s going to say next or even if I can bear it, but the silence redirects my attention to the music and I note that the song has changed to one of her favorites.

“Hey, listen,” I tell her, and as she looks up into the open space around us, the look of pained conflict on her face melts away into a pale echo of the smile I love so much.

“I love this song!”

I laugh at the familiar excited squeal in her voice. “Yeah, I know.”

“Do you want to dance?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

I get up, take her hand, and lead her to the middle of the dance floor. It’s one of those songs that makes girls want to get up and shake their asses around, so there aren’t very many couples around us and everyone in the bar has turned their attention to the dance floor to watch the pretty, young girls sway their hips and drop low to the floor. The attention might have been awkward for anyone else, but not Kate. She carries on as if she were alone in her room with a pair of headphones in. It’s one of the things I’ve always admired most about her. She has this undeniable passion for life that is unencumbered by embarrassment or fear of judgement. The complete opposite of Gia, or of any girl I’ve ever met. She does whatever she wants, how she wants, and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. Just taking her hand as she twirls and pulling her into my body so I can dip her makes me feel more alive than I have in months. When she pushes into me and I can hold her, her scent swirls through my head and leaves me dizzy.

She’s laughing when the song stops but as the slow drone of Toby Keith replaces the upbeat tempo, her smile slowly fades away. My shoulders fall in disappointment, but as I turn to make my way back to our table, she reaches out to grab onto my arm and stops me.

“I like this song too,” she says.

I don’t move at first, but she steps forward, presses her body into mine, places my right hand on her waist, and takes my left hand in hers. We stand there like that for half a second, and then I take the leap and push her backwards to lead her across the dancefloor. As we spin and sway, her eyes never leave mine and the words of the song drift around us like a commentary of everything I feel, but can’t say.

 

You shouldn’t kiss me like this, unless you mean it like that

‘Cause I’ll just close my eyes, and I won’t know where I’m at

And we’ll get lost on this dancefloor, spinning around

And around and around and around

They’re all watching us now, they think we’re falling in love

They’d never believe we’re just friends

You shouldn’t kiss me like this, unless you mean it like that

If you do, baby kiss me again

 

I feel my throat tighten as I stare deep into her eyes, and in that moment, I can’t hold back anymore. I lean forward, intent on taking her lips with mine and pouring into her everything I want her know about these last few months, but before I can touch her with my kiss, a voice next to us calls out her name and we both freeze.

“Kate?”

It’s Carter Reed, and he’s flocked by group of guys that look as though they’ve just stepped out of an SNL skit making fun of rich, douchey Millennials.

“Carter!” Her hand falls from mine and she takes a quick step back, looking guilty, and anger flares behind her boyfriend’s eyes.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

“We’re just dancing,” she says. “Christian and Ana just left, we were playing pool and talking, and then that Trace Adkins song I like came on. I asked if he wanted to dance.”

“Yeah, this looks real innocent.” His jaw tenses, and when I glance down, I notice his hands are shaking.

“You need to calm down, dude,” I warn him, and his eyes snap over to me.

“Don’t tell me what I need to do, Grey. Fuck you.” He turns back to Kate. “Get your ass in the car, we’re leaving.”

“Carter…”

“Don’t fucking argue with me right now, Kate. Move!”

“Hey! You don’t get to speak to her that way…”

He takes two steps so that he’s right in my face, and now his entire body is trembling. When he speaks, I can smell the alcohol on his breath. “Say another word. Please. Give me a reason…”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Oh, I’m dead serious. You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You think I’m just going to stand back while you paw my girlfriend? I know your game, your brother did the same fucking thing to me and I’m not going to let it happen again. You even so much as look at her again, I’ll knock your fucking lights out.”

The threat triggers a rush of adrenaline and my body stiffens automatically. “That’s real big talk when you’ve got four guys standing behind you.”

“I don’t anyone else to kick your ass, Grey.”

“Really? Then why don’t you and I step outside for a second…”

“Stop it!” Kate moves around me to stand between Reed and I and uses her hands to push us apart. “Just stop it, you’re both being idiots.”

“Were you going to fuck him tonight, Kate?”

“No! Jesus, Carter. We’re friends. We’re just friends. You need to calm down.”

“And you need to go get your ass in the car.”

“I don’t think so,” I say, reaching out to grab Kate’s wrist. “She’s not going anywhere with you.”

“Stop!”

“Kate, he smells like the inside of a whiskey bottle. I’m not letting you get into a car with him.”

“I’m not an idiot, Elliot. You don’t have to babysit me. Carter, I’m going to call a cab to take us home. Go wait for me outside.”

“Kate…”

“Go!”

Reed’s nostrils flair but his body seems to relax as he takes a step back and shoots a death glare at me. “You’re on my list, Grey. Watch yourself.”

I snort, but Kate pushes him away before I can say anything more. My eyes follow them through the crowd as they make their way outside, clearly arguing, and not going after them is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Every instinct I have tells me not to let her go with him, to get her as far away from him as possible, but I don’t get to make that decision for her. If she had said no and he tried to force her to leave with him, that would be a different story. But she didn’t say no. She’s leading him out as much as he’s leading her.

Kate’s never been the damsel in distress type.

I press my lips together in frustration, then pull out my phone and find Christian’s name in my contacts. He doesn’t answer when I call, so I have to settle for a text message.

 

Kate and Reed are on their way back. If Kate doesn’t come home in the next thirty minutes, call me.

 

A minute passes, but there’s no response. I sit at the table, order another beer, and wait, deciding if I don’t hear back from Christian at all, I’ll go to Kate’s house myself. But as the twenty-ninth minute of my allotted thirty minute time frame rolls past, my phone buzzes on the table. It’s Christian.

 

Sorry, I just saw this. They got home about twenty minutes ago. You okay?

 

I let out a long breath, but I’m not sure if it’s relief or disappointment I feel. Christian is prone to overreacting, so if there was anything at all for me to worry about, he’d tell me. But having nothing to worry about means nothing will change, and having tonight with Kate has shown me just how much I want it to.

I was fooling myself with Gia. As much as it makes me sick to admit, I was using her to replace Kate and the resentment that built up between us had nothing to do with that Gresham guy or even tension between her and my family. It was because she couldn’t fill the Kate sized void in my life. Does Reed fill the void I’ve left in hers?

I shake my head, disgusted.

How could someone who would act like that make her happy, anyway? What is he possibly giving her that I didn’t?

Marriage. Kids.

Maybe he’s promised her the things I didn’t. After all, she made it clear to me last fall, marriage is her deal breaker. If I won’t propose, she would never be mine anyway. But if I propose…

I take another drink from my bottle and once again force myself to imagine my life as a husband and a father, but any great fantasy I’m able to conjure is replaced instantly by memories of the stupid, petty arguments my parents used to have when they thought we were asleep. Or even the nights they stayed up wondering where Christian was, only to get a call from the juvenile detention center late in the night telling them he’d been picked up for fighting and was charged with a M.I.C. After they brought him home, my dad would get so angry he’d practically fly off the handle but my mother was so protective over Christian that the two of them would always end up in a blow out and end up sleeping in separate rooms and not talking for days. My dad sacrificed a lot for our family, never did a lot of the things he dreamed of doing, and my mom has made herself so much smaller than she was capable of being for the sake of myself, Christian, and Mia. I don’t want to do that to Kate. I don’t want to do that to myself.

And I have very clear memories of my mother’s face when she found out about Christian and Elena, and about Mia working in that club downtown.  I can still picture the pain in her eyes so clearly that thinking of it now is just as devastating as it was then. I couldn’t handle that. Nor could I handle the battle my father went through in both of the resulting cases. I’ve never been so drained as I was after the whole trial ordeal when I had to fight tooth and nail every single day to keep my family from disintegrating, and always, always, coming up short. I can’t do that again. I don’t want more people to have to fight for. I’m so tired of fighting…

No, I don’t want marriage. I don’t want kids.

But it doesn’t make me want Kate any less. She’s my girl. She’s the one I’m supposed to be with. She’s the only girl who has ever made me feel like I’m doing something right, and I don’t want anyone else. I want her forever, and I would give her forever. So why does she need the stupid piece of paper? Why do we have to change what we had? She’s enough. Aren’t I?

With a sigh, I drain my bottle and pick up my phone again, ignoring the antagonizing looks I’m still getting from Carter’s friends from across the bar.

 

I’m fine. Just wanted to make sure she got home alright. See you tomorrow.

Next Chapter

23 thoughts on “Elliot PoV: They’d Never Believe We’re Just Friends…

  1. Well, I’m glad for this Outtake because it DOES confirm my suspicions about Elliot being scared that a family with Kate would resemble his family life in the Grey household. He sees marriage and kids as being the thing that ties him down to neverending trouble.

    AND the Outtake shows he really DOES seemingly love and miss Kate. But at this point, it is NOT about putting her wishes first. In fact, he can’t even understand WHY she could possibly want things to be “different.” His LACK of empathy and understanding in this one is rather epic. YES, he realizes he still loves Kate, but NOT enough to sacrifice to get her back.

    Still, I suppose it is a step forward for Elliot to realize he was (happily) using Gia for sex while really wishing to be with someone else. AND somehow thinking it was enough to be with someone that had NO COMMON INTERESS with him. He just liked NOT being alone and having someone to talk to about his day. Seriously? Even NOW, at the end of this Outtake, Elliot realizes that he wants to be with Kate, but he still hasn’t come around about marriage and kids. It still is about what HE wants, and that is the “fun” lifestyle. I don’t exactly feel better about Elliot yet, BUT I realize there is still more to come.

    After all, Elliot does not yet know what Kate did for his family. She made such an incredible sacrifice, all while they weren’t even together. THAT will show Elliot everything about Kate’s real CHARACTER and the REASON she should be worth SACRIFICES on his part. (AND will hopefully lead to a little empathy and realization that love IS worth the sacrifices.)

    And the thing is, although Elliot saw what a strain children ended up being on Carrick and Grace, at least PART of it was over the differing parental natures of BOTH of them that naturally led to conflict. STILL, if Elliot had taken the time to ask Grace or Carrick, I’m sure BOTH would say that parenting was worth it, no matter the cost. Grace and Carrick both truly LOVE their children. Grace (and Carrick) were certainly not happy with CHristian out of the family. AND once CHristian had done some growing up and realized HOW MUCH HE LOVED having a real family, CHRISTIAN would say the sacrifices were worth it. Life CAN’T all be fun and games. THe arguments and trials are just part of that.

    This Outtake ALSO takes place BEFORE Calliope was born. I’m hoping that we will get a POV from Elliot AFTER Calliope is born. You want to think that SOMETHING finally gives Elliot a clue as to how good he COULD have it!

    So this Outtake doesn’t exactly help alleviate my worries about WHY Elliot proposes. I’d like to think Elliot HAS come around about everything. HOWEVER, this Outtake shows that he almost WAS considering the possibility of proposing to Kate in order to get her back, BUT he is still dead-set against children. He still sees marriage AND kids as being a great big negative joy-sucker. He wants the carefree, fun lifestyle. He wants to be able to go out to bars with Kate, dance, play, travel, etc. He does NOT want to be held down by kids and the sacrifices that entails. So, still worried about WHY Elliot does what he does by the end of this book.

    After all, Elliot WILL feel GUILTY about all KATE has had to sacrifice, including part of her liver, to keep HIS family together. ALL while being apart from him and seemingly no hope of reconciliation. AND proposing and marrying Kate WOULD help him keep her. BUT the problems at the END of Book 3 are seemingly STILL THERE—Elliot is spending too much time at work. AND Kate and he clearly had NOT talked again about the kids situation. BUT the child is coming, so Elliot HAS to man up and accept that he is going to be a father ANYWAY. And I can’t see Elliot being a deadbeat dad. AND Elliot would know better than to ask Kate to abort the child. So Elliot is truly stuck. AND Kate will worry about whether or not Elliot is REALLY happy about his situation.

    So this Outtake doesn’t exactly resolve the above. I hope Elliot proposed because he WANTED to, NOT out of FEAR of losing Kate again and to keep her from going back to Carter. AND not because he felt Kate deserved a proposal because of what all she did for his family. I guess we will have to just wait and see.

    AND it truly may be that Elliot doesn’t REALLY change his mind about kids until he holds his child in his hands. As devoted as Elliot is to his family, I can’t help but think he really WILL be glad for his child AFTER it is born. I’m REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY glad that we get a Fourth book, since so MANY of the things that I want to see will happen. I can’t imagine not getting to read MORE about these characters that Tara has made me truly love FAR more than the originals from EL James.

    And let’s face it—even CHRISTIAN didn’t exactly want kids until Ana told him that she was pregnant. He originally panicked, BUT saw the child as being the means to unite him and Ana forever. After that, he was okay with it. AND we got to see how devoted he was to being a good father, from reading books to working with Flynn over his touch issues so that he would be comfortable holding his own child. And the brief scenes we have seen show how much Christian LOVES being a daddy to Calliope. She and Ana are his WORLD.

    So hopefully, Elliot is far more like Christian than he realizes.

    (And LOVE LOVE how Christian just wants to get Ana back home and how Kate is obviously complaining about how much lovin’ time they spend together!!!)

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      1. Yes, NOW knowing the ending that is coming, you remember JUST how much is left to affect Elliot’s opinion on marriage and kids. AFTER ALL, Elliot will see how NOT being married to Ana affected WHAT CHRISTIAN COULD DO to save Ana AND even know about Calliope when an emergency happened. That “piece of paper” that marriage provides gives a husband and father rights to KNOW what is happening, medically, to his wife and child.

        I had never even considered what impact that would have on Elliot, seeing Christian AND Kate go through nearly losing Ana and not knowing about Calliope, ALL while seeing CARLA have a say when the Grey family could not. ALL because Christian and Ana were not yet married and hadn’t done any legal paperwork regarding medical power of attorneys for one another.

        Seeing Ana nearly die might have had QUITE the impact on Elliot and his viewpoint. THEN seeing how Calliope might be ALL Christian had left of Ana may have even begun swaying Elliot’s mind, even then, to re-think his OWN future and his choices.

        Yep, definitely desperate for that next Elliot POV, PARTICULARLY as to its TIMING!

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  2. HeeHeeHee. That really IS funny—Christian being so overeager to get Ana home for sex that he obviously misses a pool shot in order to end the game and leave. AND he is so eager to get Ana out of there that she gets wobbly! AND sex was clearly the goal for Christian, since he does NOT see or check for texts until AFTER sufficient time has passed for his preferred “activities” to conclude! So LOVE that little touch, Tara! We all KNOW why Christian was willing to lose to Elliot—so he could get home to more rewarding PRIVATE time!

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      1. Yeah, I just NOW realized how close to Calliope’s birth we really are. AND I’d never really thought about how ELLIOT may have handled the thought that his niece was dead. Seeing Christian’s raw pain, as described by Ray to Ana, makes you almost FORGET that the rest of the Grey family spent a couple of agonzing DAYS not knowing anything about Ana, let alone Calliope. THAT, TOO, may have played a substantial role in changing Elliot’s mind, especially seeing Christian with Calliope those first few days while they waited to learn Ana’s fate.

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  3. Ugh I love Kate and Elliot!!! Loved hearing from Elliot’s pov too hope we get a little something about when he finds out about the surgery! Can’t wait for more!!!

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  4. I’m really glad you made this. It truly gave an insight about why elliot didn’t want marriage and children because at some point I thought it was because of him being adopted. Although I’m sorry to see someone like elliot suffer and not be with Kate in glad he hasn’t made a move knowing that he can’t give her what she wants. He could have just say “give me time” and I’m sure Kate would have say yes but he’s maturing and knows he shouldn’t do it.

    I’m interested to see what was that defining moment that had elliot changing his mind, because the problem was never love, the problem is being afraid which is very valid. And I definitely understand why he is afraid after all he has been pretty much the rock in his family with all of Christian’s issues. I’m sure that if he would talk to Kate about all this, they could work it out.

    In not sure I like the idea of him changing his mind after finding out the transplant because it would seem to kate like he only did it because of it even if he never stop loving her.

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    1. I agree with you regarding changing his mind IF it was only because of the transplant. After all, I don’t want him feeling guilt-tripped into proposing out of a sense of obligation to Kate. However, Tara has hinted that there is another Elliot POV coming that will give us the insight that we want.

      While the transplant won’t be WHY Elliot changes his mind, I see the transplant being what FINALLY causes Elliot to wake up and realize that Kate is someone worth loving and NOT losing. Which would lead Elliot to think, WHY would he NOT want to marry someone that so clearly loves him AND his family? Wouldn’t someone like that be WORTH marriage?

      What this Outtake does show is that Elliot’s REAL issues are FEAR over doing everything right and STILL not being able to save your kid from pain and/or molestation or drugs, no matter how well you try to raise him or her. HOWEVER, that doesn’t take away from the rewards of parenting.

      AND Elliot will have also seen how the brother he so worried about CAME THROUGH his troublesome times in the end AND IS VERY HAPPY with his wife and child. In fact, Christian’s happiness AND contentment AND reason he is a good and decent person NOW is BECAUSE of his happiness in marriage and having a child.

      I’m hoping Elliot realizes that he can’t imagine life without Kate AND that “friendship” will never be enough. And that he DOES want forever. Kate is WORTH that “piece of paper” when it means so much to her. LIKE WITH CHRISTIAN, marriage means that someone can’t just walk out the door when they feel like it because of an argument. The marriage has to be formally dissolved, etc.

      And while the children issue will ALWAYS make Elliot nervous, HE WILL SEE HOW KATE IS with Calliope and how much Kate truly wants that. AND Uncle Elliot will hopefully realize how much they all love Calliope. And YES, kids are trouble, constantly present and time consuming, but they also make a FAMILY. And Elliot has seen, in the past, that family is WORTH it, no matter the problems on the way.

      So I’m hoping Elliot keeps re-thinking things. We can already see HERE that he wants Kate back. Just having a pretty replacement good at sex waiting at home was NOT enough. Elliot seemingly WANTS forever with Kate. He just still fears that “piece of paper” means everything changes. AND he sees the NEGATIVES in his parents’ relationship that happened as a result of what happened to Christian rather than seeing the ENDGAME, which is solid and happy relationships for all.

      So FEAR is Elliot’s real issue right now without realizing the POSITIVE that comes from commitment. STILL, he has seen how an “easy” just-sex relationship with no common interests does NOT make him happy. (AND he still doesn’t YET know just HOW BAD Gia was. That MAY actually have SOME bearing, as he realizes, yet again, that having someone TRUSTWORTHY that REALLY loves you, no matter what, is FAR better than what he chose to replace it!)

      Guilt over his choices WILL plague Elliot, I feel. BUT I think said guilt will ALSO make him re-consider his alternatives and realize what he DOES want, even with the risk involved. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

      (Tara’s comments in the past show how much she loves the Elliot-character that she has created, and I can’t imagine her loving him and his relationship with Kate so much if he wasn’t REALLY all in. So I’m going with having faith in our beloved author, as Elliot’s PAST actions of love and support of the Grey family show that he IS all-in for family. He just doesn’t think he can handle MORE than he already has had to deal with. SOMETHING will push him towards realizing that he DOES want to reconsider “more.” What that defining trigger is remains to be seen.)

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  5. I am totally in love with these. I now want to go back and re-read all chapters inserting these in. Thank you for the great writing!

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  6. “Never, never will I marry
    Never, never will I wed
    Born to wander solitary
    Wide my world, narrow my bed
    Never never, never will I marry
    Born to wander ’til I’m dead
    No burden to bear
    No conscience, no care
    No memories to mourn
    No turning, for I was
    Born to wander solitary
    Wide my world, narrow my bed
    Never never, never will I marry
    Born to wander ’til I’m dead”
    – Frank Loesser

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    1. What IS funny to consider, when reading this quote, is that Elliot IS starting to change his mind. He DOESN’T want to “wander solitary.” AND he has now found that just putting in random replacements doesn’t work for him either. So he is BEGINNING to reconsider the “never” thing. BUT he is not there, yet, by the end of this Outtake. Something ELSE has to work on him.

      But love this quote. AND I think Elliot would agree that “no burden to bear” with Gia turned out to be anything BUT. Which may have made him realize why being alone OR being with someone that did NOT truly care about him were things that he did NOT want.

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    1. Well, I can’t imagine Christian sharing that with him. AND that was when he and Kate were apart, and considering what ELLIOT did during that time apart, I can’t see him having any reason to complain further. And Sawyer CLEARLY doesn’t have any intentions towards Kate. Sawyer genuinely seems to see Ana and Kate as his FAMILY, and he would do anything to protect them. So like Christian, IF Elliot finds out about the connection, he will just make himself get over it.

      (But, I admit that your question IS intriguing, and I can’t help but wonder if Elliot ever DID find out and talk about it with either Kate or Sawyer.)

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  7. Okay, I can picture it now. Christian, nearly driven to the point of suicidal ideations at the hospital, thinking he has already lost his daughter and now will most likely lose Ana. AND Elliot was there to see the affect of that on Christian AND Kate.

    And THEN we have RAY’s account of hearing Christian stand by Calliope’s NICU crib while going on about all his hopes and dreams and plans for her future. Plans for the future he wants WITH ANA and for THEIR family. We KNOW that RAY heard at least part of this, and it completely changed his mind regarding Christian.

    Then Christian refused to leave either his daughter or Ana, and Elliot would have seen ALL of that. He would have undoubtedly heard at least PART of Christian’s talking to Calliope, as it was all that Christian could do at the time.

    Okay, I originally wanted Christian’s POV from the hospital. AND I still want that. BUT I admit that I NOW want Elliot’s POV from the whole thing. Because he clearly didn’t leave the hospital either, and went back and forth between Christian and Kate (and Calliope, too). So I’m wondering how Elliot was thinking and viewing family and marriage THEN, especially KNOWING what Carla had tried to do, ALL because Christian and Ana were NOT married. AND Elliot would have been present to hear JUST how important family and children WERE to Christian. And WHY. Which probably got Elliot thinking as well.

    So here is my request now for THAT Elliot POV at the hospital.

    I figure something triggered Elliot’s change of mind, and I now think that might have been the “when” he really began reconsidering things. Because it is directly AFTER that when we see Elliot and Kate really moving towards getting back together. So that REAL impact on Elliot probably began THERE.

    Oh great and magnificent beloved Tara, are we going to get an Outtake(s) from the hospital? Pretty please, wtih naked Jamie Dornan images on top?

    Like

      1. Well, I’m hoping, then, that it is Christian’s POV. Even though I KNOW I will need the box of tissues on my office desk while reading it.

        Like

      2. Wait, SORT OF??? Well NOW I’m all curious and it is a LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGG time until Monday!

        But everyone clearly felt for Christian at the hospital. I mean, even the MEDICAL staff spoke up for him, multiple times. Kate commented on seeing how overwhelmingly devastated Christian looked, Ray did, etc. And the doctors/staff in the NICU were CLEARLY used to seeing Christian (and hearing him) with Calliope. And even the way one doctor said “I heard” in relation to what was going on let’s you know that the drama had the medical staffs’ tongues wagging. So Christian made an impression on everyone around him at the hospital.

        (Tara, you do of course realize that you will have me wondering ALL WEEKEND about JUST what you mean about “sort of” from Christian’s POV? NNNOOOOOOOOOO!)

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